CI5 hq

Thank you for your introduction and for the choice of story. I think it’s an interesting one (partly) because my feelings towards it are mixed and I really can’t make up my mind about it. On the one hand I love parts of it, some of which you’ve already pointed out: perfect ‘unsmiling’ Bodie in black, enigmatic, hard, brooding, needy Bodie – one of a kind Bodie - and a Doyle in perfect harmony with him. And I love the atmosphere the writer manages to conjure up so well – the city at night, the grittiness, the seediness of the alleyway, the 'tick tock' of the clock in tandem with the click of their heels, the forbidden nature of what they’re about to do, the very erotic atmosphere which pervades the whole story (I’m never sure how to define the term ‘erotic’ or exactly what the distinction is between ‘erotic’ and ‘sexy’, but I know what *I* mean by it, when to use it - the correct context for me – and when to apply it and in this comment I think I’d use eroticism to mean sex and chemistry is everywhere, in the very air they breathe, much like gas in the air before someone strikes a match - I feel at any moment they’re both about to explode with sexual desire). And the scene reminds me of other scenes from stories when they *have* to have rough sex in order to come down from a particularly hard job, sex which only they can understand and provide for each other and not the sort of sex they’d get from a female. E.g. Back Alley by L.A. Scotian and there’s also a scene in a Sebastian story (can’t remember the title) which takes place in a railway carriage just after Ojuka (might be Wonderful Tonight). Anyway, I love all those aspects of the story but what I can’t understand (I’m not opposed to it, I just can’t understand it) is the sexual high (or the attraction) derived from what Bodie does to Doyle with the ball – at least I think it’s a ball - (and I agree with helio’s comment that Actual pain also has the effect of making me see paraphernalia as gadgety and narratively clunky, tending to break me out of a story rather than reading smoothly). I can just about – at a pinch – understand people who get off on a master/slave type situation with whipping etc. and the humiliation which goes with that, but I cannot understand what sexual enjoyment has to do with sticking a ball into someone's mouth, a ball which is so big that their jaw cracks and they must look and feel ridiculous and lose all sense of dignity. It just seems funny to me, like sticking a silly hat on someone, why would anyone want to do that or get a sexual kick from it? Or is it purely a physical thing like asphyxiation prolonging orgasm? And this brings me back to eroticism. Up until the ball section I thought the story was very erotic but from then on I felt the spell was broken and the eroticism seemed to descend into something which I found very hard to understand the attraction of, something which puzzled me and which I found hard to take seriously (and it's not a criticism, it's *my* problem!). But having said all that, I did enjoy the other bits of the story which I’ve already mentioned and I thought it was an excellent choice. Thanks!