(no subject)

[squeeful.livejournal.com]

Ah, Permanent Change, How do I love thee, let me count the ways

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

The Peer now spreads the glittering Forfex wide,
T'inclose the Lock; now joins it, to divide.
Ev'n then, before the fatal Engine clos'd,
A wretched Sylph too fondly interpos'd;
Fate urged the Sheers, and cut the Sylph in twain,
(But Airy Substance soon unites again)
The meeting Points the sacred Hair dissever
From the fair Head, for ever and for ever!

There, correct poem. Now let's see if I can talk about this fic without either squeeing like a teenage fangirl or rambling off into nerdiness.



As much as I love the "Author's Note: This is a rape story -- a la Alexander Pope." I almost wish that it wasn't there at the top of the page, just so we get the full impact of the opening scene. With it, it's still a punch in the stomach, but you have an idea of what's coming.

Poor Doyle, off on holiday, goes out for a drink and a bit of lunch and finds himself in the middle of a hostage situation and the worst haircut in the history of Pros. Without going too far into it, it parallels the original poem beautifully with, yes, it's just hair, but it also means much more than that.

There's quite a bit of humor:

"Joined the Army, Doyle?"

"Sod off, Murph."

"What price did you fetch for that fleece?"

"Sod off, Lucas."

"Oh my God -- Doyle's a bloke!"

"Sod off, Anson."

"I've seen better haircuts, four-five."

"Sod-- er, sorry, sir. Force of habit."

In fact it permeates the piece. But there are enough flashes of what could have been to keep you on track and every so often you get a reminder of what could have been and just how blood-freezing scary it had to have been.

Bodie remembered his mate's casual comment about the trigger-happy moron aiming his gun at Doyle's eye during the brutal haircut and tamped down the chill again. A fucking sneeze and Cowley would be looking for two new agents right now-- It's over, three seven, it's over and no one was hurt, put it behind you the way you've always done. Put it behind you and stop thinking about it.

It's enough to give you nightmares days afterwards.

He was strapped down in a chair, a gun under his chin, as his curls were pulled out one by one, taking out skin and blood and flesh as well. Everyone in CI5 stood and watched as they drank Guinness from the inexhaustible taps on the wall and laughed at him. The man with the gun sang to him.

A big curl was yanked out, taking most of his scalp with it. He winced.

His head exploded as the man fired.

Doyle spent the rest of the night pacing, reading, throwing the book down, pacing, and staying away from the phone.

Big baby, going to cry to your partner now? "Oi, I had a bad dream, mate, can I sleep with you tonight?" Give it a rest, don't call him, don't call him.

At that very moment the same thoughts ran through Bodie's head as he grimly sat with his back to the phone, drinking whiskey-laced tea, trying to shake off the sleep-vision in which he opened the box and lifted out Doyle's head.

Gave me chills the first time I read it. It still does. The terror of the event is delightfully understated and Doyle's recitation earlier in the fic is...oh! Not a good "oh". :-(

Bodie and Doyle are. How can I describe them except as being very them? They are very them. Grumpy and affectionate, supportive and teasing, downplayed and understanding. And beneath it all a deep well of trust and shared experiences and a desire to be together, whether for a drink or in bed.

The structure is clever too; events have pairs, sometimes mirrors. There's the obvious: Sinead and the hostage boy's mother, the mangled haircut and Bodie's neater clipping. Then there's Bodie's insisting they go out after arriving back with the off-screen (off-page?) suits-on dinner job. And a couple more that have just slipped out of my leaky brain; I'll edit this when I remember them again.

I love the ending. Bodie working himself up to telling Doyle, knowing Doyle knows something is up, having an epiphany at another hostage situation, finally telling Doyle, and...Doyle drops that bomb on him. And then they argue! No pulling over and sapping declarations of love, smooches, and hearts floating out the window. No, they're still driving to headquarters yelling their heads off and you can still feel every ounce of love and affection between them. Good for Bodie, finally giving in to wondering what that newly-shorn head feels like.

And, uh, you carry on. I'm in the middle of another biweekly bout of insomnia and the rest of this is going to be babbling and hand-flapping, so I'm passing it on you all. I'm going to go take a nap.

Comments

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

I utterly adore this fic for all the reasons you point out here - the humour, the chills, and the argy-bargy of the ending are all quite brilliant. As you say, you can feel every ounce of love and affection throughout, even when they're yelling their heads off.

The scene that makes it a classic for me is the one where Bodie basically comes out to Doyle by giving him a haircut. I love how we get Bodie ordering his ravaged hair interspersed with Doyle relating the horrors of his ordeal. It's just beautifully done:

Bodie trimmed Doyle's savaged hair, kept silent. He felt the fine shivering under his fingertips as he turned and bent Doyle's head to shape the hair around one ear or the other, tilted it forward to even the back…

Bodie stroked the top of Doyle's head on the pretext of removing loose hairs, dread building in his own stomach at this matter-of-fact recital of what must have been a terrifying ordeal….

Bodie had stopped cutting Ray's hair, wasn't even touching him; he didn't want his partner to feel his hands trembling. When he could speak with a steady voice, it was a growl….

God, I love that scene. She conveys so much of what Bodie and Doyle are each feeling through the simple rhythm of one man giving another a haircut.

Gay ideas...

[constant-muse.livejournal.com]

‘Then gay Ideas crowd the vacant Brain’ (Alexander Pope, ‘The Rape of the Lock’).

You're so right, the 'rape warning' is a major spoiler.

As soon as I read the author’s note, I wanted to see what ‘Permanent Change’ owes to ‘The Rape of the Lock’ beyond non-consensual hairstyling. There is the hyperbole that is the whole point of ‘The Rape of the Lock’, and also central to this fic; from Bodie’s curt, ‘They’re dead’, to Doyle grieving for his lost curls. The brief description of the fight where Doyle takes his revenge, ‘spitting teeth and clutching knees or goolies’, is a bit reminiscent of the fight in the poem.

The fate of the locks is different though. Jane Mailander doesn’t say what Bodie did with the lock, or even the rest of Doyle’s hair he himself cut later. Pope is much more inspiring – while everyone is scrapping over it, Belinda’s hair ascends to the heavens and becomes a radiant star.

And who could this be?

This Nymph, to the Destruction of Mankind,
Nourish’d two Locks which graceful hung behind
In equal Curls, and well conspir’d to deck
With shining Ringlets the smooth Iv’ry Neck.

From Jane Mailander’s descriptive writing I had no trouble imagining the shorn Doyle, but I’m still grateful to her for giving us the image of young Sinead O’Connor. Remembering how surprisingly lovely she looked with shorn hair made it easier to imagine Doyle’s head, all velvety and crying out to be stroked, and his eyes made larger and expressive without the surrounding curls. Aaaah.

...and rubbish terrorists

[constant-muse.livejournal.com]

[Part 2 of my comment, and on a completely different subject]

The rubbish terrorists here reminded me of how often in fic the lads encounter rubbish terrorists. Obviously they’re a good source of humour, as here, or even as a light diversion in a more serious story. It also helps the lads to get out of their clutches in one piece and still have the time and energy for each other. And pathetic baddies are even canon, like the policemen acting (badly) as thugs in ‘In the Public Interest’.

But I suspect authors choose to avoid dealing with sensitive issues that, on the one hand, would require more research, and on the other, might offend some readers’ political sympathies. Authors can allude to the IRA to signal ‘terrorists, fanatical, extremely dangerous and hostile to CI5’ but then distance the characters in the fic from the real movement, by portraying them as bumbling, self-interested amateurs who aren’t *really* IRA. But there is at least a lot more liberty in fic, especially now time has passed. In canon, the IRA campaign of terrorism on the mainland was too sensitive to be used in Pros. Right at the beginning of series 1, the scene of a nasty massacre is enough to raise the subject of Bodie having served in Belfast, and no more is or needs to be said.

Now I’m expecting you knowledgeable people to shower me with examples of fics that do portray real, proficient terrorists…

Re: ...and rubbish terrorists

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Well, there's lots of fic where the terrorists do succeed in killing people, which is proficient enough for me. And of course in real life too not all terrorists were/are that proficient - a lot of people actually are caught in the planning stages, or before they can do more harm. It's fascinating to read the papers of the time actually - not only does it remind us that there was terrorism before Bush gave it all the importance of a capital "T", but they often described who the groups were, and what they'd done or not done...

More frighteningly, there are a lot of cack-handed idiots out there who'll get drunk or fired up and do something violent that ends up with people hurt - or in this case, scared but only shorn. I thought it was quite refreshing to read these villains!

Hmmn, thinking about the villains that I write - can't remember all of them at this time in the morning, mind! - I've written IRA (with American connections, too), Welsh nationalists, implied Palestinian (cos it was based on such characters in an ep)... erm... various unnamed baddies... Hmmn, don't think I've really done the Cold War side of things, actually!

I've certainly not shyed away from using any particular real life groups in my fic - except perhaps via the fact that I'd want to research them properly if I'm using something genuinely historical, and that takes more time than just hinting at names, or making a group up! It's certainly not been political sensibilities. In fact I did write one terrorist plot where the politics of it did make me - not pause exactly, but briefly think I wonder how this will go over! - the America-funding-IRA connection in Only Werewolves and Vampires...

Be interesting to see what other people think... *g*

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

I feel a bit like the devil's apprentice...

While reading the story I couldn’t help thinking of a home work for school.
Everything that should be in a Pros story is implemented - a little worrying at the beginning, some h/c, there are hints of banter between them, two or three quite funny sentences, a furious Doyle, a crying Doyle, a Bodie who knows how to handle him, some short glances at CI5 work, and of course a first time with a more or less implausible ‘reason’ for it.

Nothing could really convince me. Everything seems to be strung together quite uncharitably.

And that nice idea of Bodie being able to cut hair and that often repeated "Sod off, .... " from Doyle, isn’t enough for a good story!
(O.K. it could be enough it it would be well written...)

No, I can’t get any approach to the story.

Strange! Really! Because obviously Callistosh65 and Squeeful adore this story so much (and I adore Callisto's stories...).
Must read it again!

[constant-muse.livejournal.com]

Your school work idea is interesting.

Maybe the idea is to write a pure, archetypal Pros fic, with all the essential elements that you list, but to do the whole thing with humour, i.e. that's the thing that sets it apart. In other words, how do you take each of the standards, the h/c, the CI5 work etc. and make them humorous?

Not used to reading Pros fic that sets out to be amusing from start to finish (as opposed to the odd bit of humour) so I haven't seen any other examples like this.

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

Good point!
Humour in Pros...
I indeed can't remember such a 'from start to finish' amusing story.
And I don't know if I want to.
Hmmmm.... there was this story - both in the country, everything that can go wrong goes wrong, including a run with bulls. Don't know the name at the moment.
As a PART of a story that bull scene would be lovely, but in addition I think it's boring. Bodie and Doyle have a dangerous job, and I want that background as a part of a story!

But although Permanent Change HAS all the essential elements, it doesn't reach me!
Maybe you have to be a damn skilled author to write a good humorous story? (If you listen to all the comedians on TV, - they always tell you that it is hard work to make people laugh...)

[moth2fic.livejournal.com]

Absolutely lovely. No criticisms other than a few formatting/line spacing problems which probably aren’t attributable to the author. Just the right amount of humour, so gently conveyed, more in what isn’t said than what is, and just the right amount of angst and romance. Completely in character (minor characters, too), and a believable plot, in the setting of that particular period of a) British experience and b) the series. One happy reader. Thanks for the rec!

[ronitr.livejournal.com]

I have to echo firlefanzine's comment.

I thought the fic was funny, but not more. I couldn't find the depth all the other posters seem to have found.

Maybe the humor (and the "sod -off" scene IS hilarious) distracted me from sensing the actual seriousness of the other scenes. Or maybe I'm just so jaded from reading horrible getting –beaten-within –an –inch –of your – life scenes in Pros fic , that having a gun pointed to Doyle's head while he's getting a bad haircut seems like a breezy afternoon walk in the park…

Well, Infant # 1 & Toddler # 2 permitting, I'm off to re-read as well…

Oh, and on a totally unrelated issue – being the fan-girl that I seem to be turning into, I recently re-read a lot of news clippings of the Pros era, and almost feel out of my chair learning that Doyle's luscious curls were actually a Perm… Sacrilege, I tell you!

[constant-muse.livejournal.com]

'Doyle's luscious curls were actually a Perm'- Isn't it funny how in fic Doyle's curls are real, whereas MSs never were? (sorry, I find it perversely amusing).

I must be as bad as you (fannishly), after reading 'Permanent Change', I wondered how Doyle's hair would grow back, and thought of the happy months and years the lads would spend together watching it.

'I couldn't find the depth' - what depth? I thought it was light-hearted and shallow all the way through, and intentionally so. Not to disagree with Callisto's point about the beautiful writing all the same. And there's just enough substance and slight threat of danger in the plot to highlight the humour.

[squeeful.livejournal.com]

Sometimes they are a perm in-fic. But even if they were real, fic-Doyle would know better than to run a brush or comb through them. Some people get thrown out by anachronistic vocabulary; I get jolted by inappropriate haircare. :-D

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Much depth! I actually think there's lots of depth! In my comment below... *g*

[heliophile-oxon.livejournal.com]

Interesting how we have some very different responses to this already! I’m one of the ones who find this whole fic very very funny; not just things like the whole “sod off” riff (which I love, especially when she comes back to it with variations - And how can you lose with that kind of public rapport? and That doesn't work for me, Bodie, I'm still getting sheep-shearing jokes!) but little things like the Sinead O’Connor joke and understatements that are not jokes as such at all ( They shouted a bit, the rest of the way to HQ.).
In fact one of the things that impressed me most about this story was how she juggles the balance between pitching the whole thing for laughs (Ray crying over the state of his hair? Nonsense. But in a comedy it works; comedy is the right register for this kind of thing) and making it just serious enough for the h/c to work too. The whole opening, with the mysterious package that just might contain a finger, the periodic reminders that this hostage situation played out for laughs but that it might not have - I feel that the balance is a very tricky one, and that it’s done beautifully. And the final scene manages to be hot as well as funny – what’s not to love! *bg*

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Yes! *g* There's so much more humour in bits that aren't on-purpose-funny that it makes the whole thing properly real life funny to me... *g*

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Exactly! I can't really separate out "comedy fics" from "drama fics", and to me comedy works best when it becomes an offshoot of the real tension and stresses of their lives, becomes, as you say, 'properly real life' funny. Maybe it is a peculiarly British thing, I can't say with certainty, but certainly it's part of the Pros world on screen and in the fic.

Like you I never took Doyle's near-tears over his hair as anything but a focus for the release of all the horrendous stress he was under. And I think this writer pitches that balance of humour and pathos and stress just right. It's difficult to do. You can't write nothing but punchlines, even if you are aiming at comedy. I wrote Tricks and Treats with the aim of making the reader laugh with the last few lines.. but I had to build it up, try and add some context, realism, etc. It had to arise naturally from the 'real life' situation I was putting Doyle and Bodie in.

Bodie's black humour for the darkest of situations is canon, and intrinsic to Pros, to me.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

So interesting reading the comments above, especially from people for whom the story didn't work... I'm another person who loves this story, but I don't think of it as either a comedy or any other genre in particular (so perhaps I'm not expecting to react a certain way? See, this is why I hate spoilers!).

To me it's very much a Pros story - something violent happens, the lads deal with it, and then the fic deals with how the lads deal with the aftermath and in the process take their relationship to that deeper level. And have sex. *g* For me the comedy only comes into it because that's how people often deal with tension and emotional distress etc, especially (I think) in the UK, and especially in professions like the lads', and Mailander has caught that beautifully. Was she trying to write A Comedy, or was she just writing - we'll probably never know, but her results work for me, so I don't really care... *g*

I loved the way the agents dealt with Doyle in the aftermath by teasing him about the violence used against him - and how Mailander described what would have happened if the violence had been effective, that gorgeous if Doyle had been put in the hospital they'd be prowling and snarling like wolves, ready to go after the luckless perpetrators, and if Doyle had been killed they'd be silent and deadly as sharks, cutting a wide swath around Bodie as they closed in on their targets.

In fact one of the things that make it a really effective piece, for me, are the various contrasts shown: the chilling potential of drunk, inept villains with guns, the object in the box, the seige with the children, the idea of CI5 as silent, deadly sharks determined on their prey vs the brilliance of the sod off exchange, the anti-climax that it was just hair that was cut off, the idea of Bodie in the jungle as a hairdresser. I thought those were beautiful, real-life balances, and the sorts of things that do make us chortle behind our hands...

Things I didn't like because they made me blink a bit - the idea that it had taken him five years to grow what the terrorists cut off! Doyle's/MS's hair goes up and down like a yoyo in the years the series covered, so even if there are people whose hair grows at the rate of a centimetre every year, it wasn't believable for him...

I was going to say as well, the idea that Doyle would attach that much importance to his hair and how he/it looks, to the point of crying about it, seemed unrealistic, and then I had a ReadingRoomInspired thinky-thought - he's not actually upset about his hair, of course, he's letting out the tension of the last three days on something unimportant - just as they do with the humour, he's doing it over his hair. And Bodie knows that, doesn't he, knows that the reasons Doyle gives for being upset are just words, and treats them accordingly, matter-of-factly, while giving Doyle good solid things about being back in the real world to deal with - going out for food, a real haircut, etc. He talks about it just enough to get them both through it.

What else... oh, the girl who wanted to see Doyle's bleeper! Again, compare that with the fact more deadly fact that Doyle's grasses stop treating him with the respect he's taken years to gain - now that respect is "five year's growth" and that's what's been lost...

And then the lovely importance of what had seemed another minor thing - Bodie playing with Doyle's hair over the years, and both of them being affected because he couldn't any more - which tiny thing actually forced them to face up to the emotions that were behind that...

Love it!

[moth2fic.livejournal.com]

You've summed up my reactions much better than I did - especially the fact that it isn't a 'humorous story' as such but rather a story in which they and their colleagues use humour in their normal (very Brit) fashion to ward off dark thoughts, and the author laughs, very gently, at them whilst still showing some of the darkness. Thank you.

[heliophile-oxon.livejournal.com]

Hmm, good point about releasing tension over a small thing rather than it actually being about his appearance ... I still think it could only work in the context of this delicate balance she's wrought between comic/daft and bleak/real fear - in any other context it would seem like overreaction. Here it works - hat off to beautifully pitched tone of story! And yes about them both missing the hair being something for Bodie (and Doyle himself of course) to touch ... gives a little extra to the moment when Bodie finally does get his handful of velvet (it's always such a temptation to touch a fuzzy short haircut - pity nobody I know has got one :( *g* )

I suppose everyone probably knows the story about why Sinead O'Connor really cut her hair ... and I guess Mailander probably isn't her biggest fan, but I did rather like the way she was used here. I may have a bit of a weakness for this sort of "how it really happened" wink at snippets of the real world!

[constant-muse.livejournal.com]

I don't (know why Sinead O'Connor cut her hair off) - is it related to this story? Do tell.

The 5 years to grow the hair made me pause too. 5 months, more like. You could take it that it's been 5 years since he was in a position with regulation short hair (uniform?) and he's been keeping it long-ish ever since. It is interesting the effect it has on his credibility on the street, but in contrast he can now fit in with the city boys in suits (but he wouldn't, with a near-shaven head, would he?)

'the idea that Doyle would attach that much importance to his hair', I read this as more of the 'rape of the lock' theme than canon.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

I still think it could only work in the context of this delicate balance she's wrought between comic/daft and bleak/real fear - in any other context it would seem like overreaction.
Oh yeah, totally - you couldn't do it seriously!

I loved the Sinead O'Connor reference too - fun to think of the wider effects of the story, and yes for little "how it really happened" snippets! *vbg*

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Er.........I think I need some help here, ladies because no matter how hard I’ve tried I’m just not seeing *that much* in the way of depth – no atmosphere, layers or sub-text - and this is despite employing a metaphorical spy glass to seek them out, but nothing’s happening, not even all the meaningful things which *aren’t* said in stories with layers, and I *want* there to be, I really do. I mean, who would spend large chunks of their writing time describing Doyle’s shorn locks if there wasn’t a bit more to it? But I’m just not gaining any impression from Doyle or the writer that anything significant has happened to him. We get lots of snarling and growling but I’d argue that the only person who really shows what an ordeal the whole thing has been is Bodie, with his shaking hands, dread building up in his stomach, the fact that it’s Doyle who falls asleep first, leaving Bodie to ponder it all. Doyle doesn’t even seem to understand what Bodie’s been through when he received the lock of hair in the post. In fact the only time we get a hint of what Doyle’s been through is with this line:

Rage, humiliation, a very real thread of grief, battled on Doyle's face

And the rest is all ratty, snarling, growling, bad-tempered Doyle - characteristics which don’t seem very Doyle-like to me but which seem popular with a lot of pros writers.

And the humour? Well, OK, it’s a completely subjective thing, but for the record I’d have to agree with firlefanzine (and I'm Brit who, just to complicate things a bit further, also happens to think that one of the funniest pieces of comedy writing in decades is the American series, Frasier) and say that I didn't think there was anything that memorable about the humour - nothing like some of the scenes from Fly on the Wall or even some of the very fine comedy found in a few Sebastian stories. And I know we probably shouldn't have expected it to be a 'Comedy' but if a story is described as 'humourous' then I think it's quite natural to look out for the humour! But I’m glad I’ve read it, I did think it was well written and the first Jane Mailander story I'd read, but I'm afraid that I really didn't feel that there was anything particularly memorable about it, or that it had much in the way of depth, and it wasn't a story which tugged at my heartstrings, in any way.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

For me the depth is in reading what's going on behind the obvious grumpiness and humour and so on - why is Doyle being so grumpy and actually pretty pathetic about his hair etc? Because it was traumatic in other ways - he's not actually upset about his hair at all, but despite being a supposedly "tough" CI5 agent he's actually human and is reacting to the threat of the unpredictable and therefore more frightening vilains. Why is he so upset about the girl and his "bleeper"? Because actually his new "look" means that people react to him completely differently, including his underworld contacts, with all the potential for further danger and violence. For me that was how we "get a hint of what Doyle's been through" - through alot of the things that we're not told... Same with Bodie - we only learn the importance to him of being in physical contact with Doyle, often through his hair, when that hair is gone...

I dunno - perhaps it ties in to what people were saying in the last discussion, about how much we read into a story because we know the characters from the eps, vs how much we read in the actual story itself...

Or just as likely, we all have different tastes... *g*

(I liked Frasier alot too, though I wouldn't say it's in my top five... *g*)

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

If you're right then I think, as far as Doyle is concerned, we *are* having to read into the story *a lot*, taking it almost as a matter of faith that Doyle isn't the snappy, shallow person who is depicted in the story because, unlike Bodie, I don't feel the writer gives the reader any clear hints that he *isn't* like that or that he's even *that* traumatised by the whole event. As a reader you're almost having to fill in the gaps and surmise that Doyle's grumpiness re his hair or upsetness over the bleeper is because of such and such, whereas the writer supplies real evidence for Bodie's ordeal. So, for some strange reason she chooses not to do this for Doyle with the result that once again reading a story has resulted in me not caring for his character at all...

The style

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

"Er.........I think I need some help here, ladies because no matter how hard I’ve tried I’m just not seeing *that much* in the way of depth – no atmosphere, layers or sub-text..."
I'm glad... :-)

I finally managed to reread parts of it.
I'm the last one who could value a style of writing, but I disliked it from the beginning.
That first passage:
"When Bodie walked into Cowley's headquarters promptly at 8, it wasn't unexpected, even if it was technically the man's morning off. Cowley had a portion of his resources behind a two-day-long hostage situation in Ireland at the moment; most of the non-assigned agents were keeping close watch on the crisis. The fact that one of their own was one of the hostages held by the True Republic explained CI5's extreme interest in the matter. The fact that the agent was Bodie's partner explained 3.7's single-minded attention to the case."
Am I the only one who thinks that it's wooden and clumsy?

O.K. but I let me in for the story. Great words from Bodie "They are dead..." O.K. I thought, there is some action to come, Bodie has to save his friend.
And? Nothing! (Not that I need action, but I like it more that twisted case descriptions!)

Another O.K.. Then the story is probably about the aftermath, I thought.
Next disappointment. I can't buy Doyle being upset about a haircut! He has enough self confidence to go naked onto the street! :-)

And there are some sentences like:
"That was how they were playing it, was it." or "Nothing subtle from Bodie".
IMO that isn't the POV of Bodie or Doyle, it's a comment from the author. And that creates a distance I don't want in a story. It's the same when you suddenly are aware of the music in a movie. I want to be caught in a story, I don't want a reminder that there is an author above and that he/she is very clever and contemplative - and has done his/her homework!

Another sentence that disturbs me:
"Upon being informed the the only nearby eateries were other pubs, both men opted for airline food instead."
Hmmmmmm....

Please tell me if it's really just me, as a non-native-speaker, who doesn't realize the subtleties of a maybe superb style????

Re: The style

[squeeful.livejournal.com]

It's not about the hair at all, it's the having bits of yourself forcibly hacked off. It's the lack of control and the helplessness of the event. The original poem isn't called "The Rape of the Lock" just for hyperbole. And no matter how self-confident, it takes a supreme egoist to be unmoved by violent and unwanted change of appearance.