Reading Room - Holding Back the Flood by Lacey McBain

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Today's story is Holding Back the Flood by Lacey McBain, suggested by gilda_elise, and available at Circuit Archive, at the Hatstand and on the ProsLib story disc!

(I'm not going to number the Reading Rooms any more - it's too much work to go back and check what number we're up to, and every now and then they get misnumbered and have to be fixed, and just... not really worth it - we'll go by dates! *g*)

Holding Back the Flood is another story I remembered really enjoying when I read and re-read it, so I was looking forward to this weekend.

The lads have just come off an exceptionally difficult case, which ended in the death of two agents, who were tortured first, and the people being protected, because one of the agents gave up the location of their safehouse when he saw his partner horribly killed. Trouble is, Doyle feels its his fault - he was the one who made the decision to act in the way that meant Ferris and McGarrity and all the others died.

They've gone to a pub - Bodie's dragged Doyle there, and they're both trying to be normal. Doyle chats up the barmaid, as much as he can, and she gives him her number - which Bodie proceeds to burn, in a loud and confident tease. The trouble is, neither of them can forget what happened, not yet, and it's starting to show. They go back to Bodie's, and this time his tease - a cold can of beer dropped in Doyle's lap - is too far for Ray, who throws it across the room in a moment of rage.

Bodie takes control. He's been trying to jolly Doyle out of feeling guilty, and it clearly wasn't what Doyle needed, so Bodie takes them up to the roof of his building to confront what happened. Ferris and McGarrity were partners, and the one was forced to watch the other killed, and then he gave in to torture, and broke. Ultimately, what Doyle wants to know, is what Bodie would do if it had been him going over the edge of the roof - and what Bodie wants to tell him is that he loves him.

If there was really nothing that could be done to save each other, then what they both need to know is that the other loved them. And we end on one of the most perfect paragraphs, imnsho:
Someday it'll be them on a rooftop, guns empty, eyes locked, and nowhere to go but down. But tonight, Doyle wraps an arm around Bodie's waist and pulls him closer, kisses him again and tells him he loves him, says it so they'll both remember, so they can't forget.
Someday it'll be their turn. But not tonight.

Such a bittersweet ending - we know these lads, we know the life they lead, we know that realistically, it can't end well for them. But before it does, their life will be perfect, because they've got each other. Perfect. *g*

I've a few writing-niggles about this one, but nothing major, I don't think. I can see it all happening, and I can see the lads. I can't quite always hear them - Bodie's a bit too regional-dialect on occasion - but even when that happens the writing and story picks up and carries on properly, so I can recover. It took me a while working out that this isn't a post-Stake Out fic, with all the hints dropped about Bedford at the start - any other random town would have worked, but without being explicit about what happened where, I kept wondering about the connection. Same with Ferris, to a lesser extent, because Ferris was a villain in Spy Probe, so my mind jumped there when I saw the name - though it was clear that there wasn't a connection. But it would have been so easy to avoid the reader's mind jumping!

But like I say - I do like this one, and I can see our lads, and see Doyle feeling that way, and I like (hate) the nightmare realism of the op gone wrong.

So... what do you think?!

Comments

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[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Aaaaah, finally I got here at the right time! I just finished rereading it and I have to say that I love it. Not being British, there are no niggles to distract me - just the build up of emotion choking my heart.

I had forgotten the pub beginning - if I were to say anything negative, it might be about that, and how long it is? I am raring to get to the "good" part, when they are alone! So, what did the woman write on her note to Doyle? Hmmmm. I was thinking it might have been, "Enough already, get back to your man!"

The rest of it reads so beautifully to me, sort of like poetry. So many incredible bits that I want to pull out and swoon about. Like

Doyle knows Bodie's body like he knows his own, has traced its lines a thousand times in his dreams, and when Bodie slides into the warm space between his thighs, nothing has ever felt more right. The last piece of a puzzle slipping into place.
Neither of them speaks, but there's no need. They know what they feel, have always known even without saying it, and the fact it's been said, formed into words and made irrefutably real, only means they have something else to carry with them onto the next rooftop, the next stakeout, the next time when everything goes wrong.

And

He laps lazy circles against Bodie's neck, memorizes each curve and angle, knows he wants to spend a lifetime worshipping this man with his body. He'll die protecting him if it comes to that. Which it likely will.

I would get a tattoo of these sentences - they are so integral to how I believe they feel about each other, so key to their lock! But it's the partnership. Us, ours, shared. I need you and I need to give you what you need. Reciprocal. Each of them being equally committed, equally the best, equally individual. The rawness and pain of the scenario behind them just accentuates it all to the power of life. I love how the flood metaphor plays out - the deadly force - and then Doyle's "floating and drowning all at once."

Just, cannot say enough good about this one... (/squee!) ❤️🔥🙌

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Always so nice to see you here! *vbg*

Not being British, there are no niggles to distract me
I always feel odd pointing out things that I know are only likely to distract a native, but I guess for me it's a big part of writing as well, so I notice it when I'm dissecting a story for a review too. And dialogue is so hard to get right too - I still remember when I was 17 and watching a tv show that I was convinced was in an entirely non-English language, only to eventually realise that it was really English-English! And I definitely know it would go the other way too - I've never tried writing for an American fandom, for instance, and I strongly suspect I'd be a little bit off (which might be one reason I've not tried it! *g*)

So, what did the woman write on her note to Doyle?
I must admit I assumed it was just her phone number, and maybe name... What I really wonder is whether Bodie actually did memorise it for Doyle, just in case...!

Hmmmm. I was thinking it might have been, "Enough already, get back to your man!"
But I like this idea better. *vbg*

I had forgotten the pub beginning - if I were to say anything negative, it might be about that, and how long it is?
Hmmn - I sort of see what you mean, but I didn't think that when I was reading it. I think I liked that it was building the tension of the story - we gradually found out what had happened because they were both coming down from the op together and there was this sort of.... the half-hysterical high notes of what was happening in the pub against the low, low notes of what they'd both been through...

And so much poetry when there's just them, yes! I like the bits you've pulled out very much, especially that second one... He'll die protecting him if it comes to that. Which it likely will..... *melts*...

Although... *g* Actually one of the bits did make me blink though - and when Bodie slides into the warm space between his thighs... it made me think more of m/f sex than m/m, somehow - the warm space between his thighs? I sort of feel like other bits might get in the way of that somehow... But that might be just me?!

Oh, and another bit I love - They're the Cow's top team. Bodie'n'Doyle. Doyle'n'Bodie. Names slung casually together as if they were one organic thing, thinking and feeling the same, acting as one. Just how I think of them! *g*

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this review. I love LM’s writing, she can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned and I feel this is a classic example of just how good she is. I love the way the story unfolds and the gradual revealing of what has gone on between them just a few hours earlier - a terrible incident even by ci5 standards.

I’d actually forgotten what the story was about and after reading the first paragraph had expected something lighter, perhaps more frivolous and it was interesting to see how it evolved into something very different ….and, just for the sake of discussion, if I did pick up on anything it would be this, there’s a scene quite late in the story:

Doyle had covered him up, wiped blood hands on his trousers and stepped to the edge

which made me sit up and recall an earlier scene in the pub:

His fingers rub idly at the dark marks on his thighs. He should've stopped off to change.

and I thought what a long way they (and the story) had come in those hours and how strange or even inappropriate that they should find themselves in a pub shortly after the terrible murder of other agents.I know ci5 agents typically do resolve their post-traumatic stress in that kind of way but it didn’t seem a typical ci5 day, but something much, much worse. Just a thought…

But anyway, I love this mature, intelligent, wonderfully written story! My kind of story.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Doyle had covered him up, wiped blood hands on his trousers and stepped to the edge
...
His fingers rub idly at the dark marks on his thighs. He should've stopped off to change.
Beautiful, awful writing - yes... mature is a very good way of describing it.

it didn’t seem a typical ci5 day, but something much, much worse. Just a thought…
Yes - a thought I totally agree with... The op gone wrong was hugely, hugely dark - and maybe more so because I can imagine it being closer to reality than the just-in-time-they-save-the-day plot. And maybe because Pros teeters at that edge in canon all the time, it seemed very likely too - just one of the eps that they weren't showing us...

That said, I think the pub scene fit perfectly with it - both of them trying to brave it out, pretend that it was just another day at the office, and that they could deal with it because that's what they did. Bodie's jokes are edging on hysterical, I think - if he was able to think clearly he'd know that they were more likely to break something, to smash it wide open, than to be taken as jokes, but I almost think that's what he wants. It's Bodie's way of dealing with horrendous - to try and smash it even further apart until it's the worst it can possibly be, to find out whether he really can deal calmly with it, or to force the worst case scenario so that he has to deal with that sooner rather than later. If that makes sense. Whereas Doyle knows what he needs - he needs to go home on his own and work through things (which we see in lots of eps), but this time Bodie wouldn't let him and sure enough, Doyle's brittle hold cracks further and further (as Bodie smashes it) until they both shatter... and then they both put the other together again. Bodie forces Doyle to confront his worst-case scenario, and Doyle forces Bodie to admit what he really needs instead of pushing things to breaking point...

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

That said, I think the pub scene fit perfectly with it - both of them trying to brave it out, pretend that it was just another day at the office

I do agree with you up to a (very large) point, but there's still something niggling away at me about the fact that Doyle's in a pub, trying to get the name of a barmaid, when just a few hours earlier several people had been killed and his ci5 colleagues had been butchered - not just members of the public but actual workmates.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Doyle didn't want to go out to the pub just a few hours after all that though:
He hadn't wanted to come out tonight, tired and angry after the foul-up in Bedford. His pride's still smarting, and it's only because Bodie bullied him that he's here at all.

And then later He knows right then he'll never use the number. Or probably won't. Might come a night when he needs a warm bird for a little comfort. But looking at Miss Eileen Kelly with the smiling Irish eyes will only remind him of today, and he doesn't want that. Isn't sure he can deal with it.

So although I know what you mean, I think the author's tried to cover that base. That said, there's something odd to me about His pride is still smarting compared to what we find out later - that it's not his pride at all, but his guilt about setting the op off on the direction it took. I wonder whether the author started the story in one direction, and then it evolved, and she didn't go back to re-write that bit, perhaps...

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

I've a few writing-niggles about this one, but nothing major, I don't think.

I'm lucky enough not to have been bothered by the niggles you mention and I didn't remember the name Ferris either or it would have thrown me.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

I do notice that I read things differently depending on the context. For enjoyment, for beta-ing, for Reading Room, even as re-reads - they make me think about stories in different ways. Sometimes I miss just reading Pros with no other thoughts but here's-another-new-Pros-story!

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

I can really understand that.

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

I love this story. And like paris7am not being British I'm not bothered by minor cultural errors. And I definitely don't remember all the towns and villains from the episodes! What stands out to me is the level of writing. It's superb, though I do tend to think they're wrong, they're not going to end their days that way. The story would be even more tragic if I thought that. What happened is terrible enough without a picture of that future in your mind.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Out of curiousity, how do you feel about cultural errors in stories supposed to be set in the US? Do they bring you out of the story for a moment, while your head processes them?

I know what you mean about not wanting to think that that will be their ending, and goodness knows I'm writing a much-happier-ending-retire-to-the-countryside series of stories for them myself, but on the other hand every now and then I like the bittersweetness of this sort of ending. Knowing that despite the way that life really is, there's a way for them to be just sooo happy together...

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

Actually, yes, they can. We had several British writers in K/S, who, though excellent writers, would sometimes throw in a Britishism that did have to be processed. Yet, I don't think they saw it, so it obviously works both ways.

Bittersweet, or out-and-out tragic can be good. One of my most favorite Pros stories is These Things Do Not Remember You by Gwyneth Rhys, and you can't more tragic than that.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

It makes sense that they would - whenever we know to expect something, and it doesn't appear, then we're thrown... Although I suppose you could argue that Star Trek was set in the future and not America-as-we-know-it (well, in theory!) but of course it was in the eps, never mind Chekov and Scottie!

And yeay, someone else who appreciates bittersweet stories too! *g*

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Thank you for reminding me of this one.

I loved reading it again, loved your summing up, and totally agree - the last paragraph gets me.

Thank you.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

You're welcome - and I'm glad you liked it again! Hurrah, in fact, to gilda_elise for adding it to the reading list! *g*

[potztausend.livejournal.com]

"Holding Back the Flood" is one of my all time favourite Pros stories! Yess!!