Reading Room XXII - The Snowman With the Dark Coat by Castalia

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

The story can be found at:

The Circuit Archive

The Hatstand

On ProsLib, and in the zine Roses and Lavender 4 from Allamagoosa Press, 2001.



It’s November, and Bodie and Doyle are on stakeout. But going by their behavior, it’s evident that things are not right between them. It takes only a few words from them to know for sure.

”Still love you, mate.” Doyle said it very, very quietly….

“Bit too late, isn’t it, Ray?” Bodie said just as quietly, without turning.

Whatever caused the rift between them, Bodie is royally pissed, and isn’t prepared to let it go, and so the month passes with them still at odds.

December comes around. They still work well together, that part of their relationship still intact, but it’s beginning to fray. Then it’s Christmas, and time for the annual CI5 Christmas party. Bodie and Doyle don’t come together; Bodie, in fact, brings a date. Both are obviously miserable.

Another month goes by. And because things between them are getting worse, Doyle asks to be placed on another shift when it comes to the stakeout that the agents are on. They can’t help running into each other, though. When left alone in the agents’ room, Doyle makes his move, trying to seduce Bodie into taking him back. It almost works, but then they hear Murphy coming and break apart. Afterwards, Bodie has his shields back up. Whatever Doyle did, Bodie has yet to forgive him.

Then Bodie falls ill, and Doyle is partnered with Murphy. During a hand-off of information, their contacts are killed. Their killers get away.

Though still at odds, Doyle is there for Bodie while he’s sick He takes medication, though it might not be totally altruistic. He talks Bodie into having sex, with the promise that it will be the last time, and that he will stop trying to get Bodie back. We finally learn that their problem has something to do with Doyle being unfaithful. So, they have sex, but it’s still not enough.

Days later, Bodie still out sick, Doyle leaves with another agent to check out a lead on a case. Things go wrong, and by the next morning the other agent is in hospital, and Doyle is missing.

The agents all go on a search for Doyle. It’s gotten really cold, and the snow is still coming down. As it starts to get dark, Bodie finally finds Doyle. He’s been shot and is unconscious. Bodie is able to brings him around, telling him that he doesn’t want to live without him. He holds onto Doyle has help arrives.



I really like this story, and the way that the story is structured. The problem between them, (which we finally learn is that Doyle has been unfaithful,) is not resolved overnight. Betrayal never is. Bodie has been deeply hurt, and is not about to run back into Doyle’s arms bust because Doyle has said he’s sorry. I found realistic. And Doyle, realizing how badly he’s screwed up, tries everything to get Bodie back, willing to practically crawl back if he has to.
That it took him almost dying for Bodie to take him back might seem a bit much, but I thought it worked.

What I didn’t find awfully realistic was them having sex when Bodie has such a bad cold that he’s staying home from work; doesn’t, in fact, return for a few more days. I actually would have passed, though, hey, maybe guys are different. It’s quite a hot scene, so I can’t be totally against it being in the story, but it did strike me as odd.

Comments

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

I haven't read this story yet, but your synopsis makes me curious. I am going to read it now, and hopefully being back here tomorrow.

I love your icon, it's fantastic.

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

It looks as if you came back. :-)

Thanks, it's an oldie, but one of my favorites of the Lads.

[livejournal.livejournal.com]

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[merentha13.livejournal.com]

This is one of my favorite Pro's stories - it's definitely one I've read many times. I'm always drawn to a Doyle in a hurt/comfort situation (not sure what that says about me!)

The author's use of the weather in this was wonderfully done. The snow picks up and slows down as the lad's moods shift. Doyle being repentant and then angry when Bodie won't budge is very much in character for me.

hmm, the sex with a cold didn't really bother me as too unrealistic - I thought that Bodie's not feeling well might have weakened his resolve a bit and let Doyle have his 'last time'.

The scene on the phone, where Bodie asks Ray to talk to him and then falls asleep to the sound of his voice was beautiful. And it gave me hope that they'd find their way back to each other.

One question that I had - was Murphy the one that Doyle was unfaithful with? There are several lines in the story that indicate it might have been Murph. Curious if anyone else thought that.

A great choice and a great review! I'm looking forward to the discussion!

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

One question that I had - was Murphy the one that Doyle was unfaithful with? There are several lines in the story that indicate it might have been Murph. Curious if anyone else thought that.

I've never thought about someone in particular.

What makes you think it had been Murphy ?

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Oh, what lines made you think it was Murphy that Doyle was unfaithful with? I must admit that I never thought that!

I agree with the other things you say though - right down to being drawn to Doyle in a hurt/comfort situation! *g* And definitely about the weather being so beautifully reflective!

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

There were a couple of lines that made me think that maybe it was Murphy -
After Murphy was injured:

Doyle, a few steps away, surveyed the stretcher on which Murphy was being taken away by the paramedics. Murphy attempted a half smile at Doyle, who answered in kind and gently squeezed the hand he was offered.

"I'll check on you at the hospital," Doyle said, offering reassurance. The wound was not serious, they both knew it, but still...."

..."Susan called from the hospital while you were in Files. Murph will be up in no time."

And there was Murphy leaving his girl a the Christmas party to keep Doyle company for a bit. Murphy staying behind to talk to Doyle when the others left HQ for a pub. Little things. I think I wanted to fill in that blank - who was Doyle fooling around with and Murphy seemed to show up a lot in the story. I could be wrong! :-)

And I forgot to include in my first post, my absolute favorite line in the story - Bodie watching Doyle from the window in HQ:

Doyle stood still, panting, a lonely dark figure, a small point in the vast white, in the cold night. A small, solitary thing...seen from above, lost.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

D'you know, it didnt occur to me that those lines might mean Doyle/Murphy - in fact one of the things I liked about the story was how it showed the relationships between all CI5 agents, like Jax and Sally, as well as Murphy. Hmmn... I think it was that Murphy always left with a joke of some kind - it didn't suggest any special relationship to me. He never seemed reluctant to leave, or weird about Bodie...

And yes! That's a gorgeous line! But I don't think Bodie watching Doyle there? Doyle leaves Bodie and there's a scene with Jax, and then it's all about Doyle going out into the big cold world, on his own...

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

Doyle had just walked out on Bodie in HQ after Bodie accused him of still playing with him, he ran into Jax, had a 'conversation' with him and then takes the stairs instead of the lift to leave the building. The part of the line that says "seen from above" (where Bodie most likely still is) makes me think it is Bodie watching.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay. I think it's because its all in Doyle's pov that I wasn't thinking of Bodie watching - and the last time we see Bodie he's near the door, not he window... but yeah, I can see where you're coming from! *g*

[merentha13.livejournal.com]

A bit more :-) At the beginning of the section:

Bodie went right away to close the window; the room was uncomfortably chilly. Then he sat down at the small table near the window, put a sheet of paper in the typewriter, and started typing

and after Doyle leaves and walks down the quiet hall he hears:
the furious click-clack of the typewriter broke the silence.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Yeah - I think that was too far away from the action for me. Bodie could have been looking out the window, but my impression was more that Bodie was distancing himself from Doyle, focusing on the report as a way of not thinking about Doyle...

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

I also had the thought that something might be up with Doyle and Murphy - I think because we are searching for answers, trying to find a clue, and the ambulance scene pops up. But later, when M and D are talking it is apparent that there isn't and never was anything there. The way Castalia does it is so masterful, imo. Similar to the way she described the woman Bodie is with, and the way Doyle brings up Saint Marikka - a very light touch.

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

Yes, the phone scene is really lovely. And it does show that Bodie's defenses can be breached, if only for a little while.

No, I don't see it. Bodie is too cordial to Murphy, and I imagine if he knew that Doyle had been unfaithful that he would know with who. Also, he's upset when he thinks that Murphy may have overheard them, and now knows the truth about them. If Murphy had been with Doyle, their being gay wouldn't be a problem.

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

You're right, the scene on the 'phone was a lovely scene and the part played by the snow throughout the story was so well done and helped give the story the atmosphere it had. A classic of a story!

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

I love this story so much - it's one of my favourites, and I was so glad it came up for Reading Room. *g*

I love the slow burn of it, where we just know that something is heart-breakingly wrong, and we read with bated breath, just waiting for it come right - and it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't... Everything is cold as the winter around them, which you can feel in so many beautiful words and lines, and yet somehow - we do know that it's going to come right, and that's what keeps us reading. Well, me anyway. *g* Because there's this thread between them, this shining golden thread that might fray and narrow and fray some more - but it never breaks, and they keep coming back to each other no matter what. Through their fighting, but after it too, when they think that everything's over that could be over - it's not, because they're constantly watching each other, constantly turning up, constantly there for each other. That's the B/D that I see on the show, and the B/D that I love.

I absolutely believed that Bodie would let Doyle seduce him even though he had a cold - and that Doyle would want to. I seem to remember (oh, such a long time ago!) that a cold didn't have to be a passion killer at all. And it's brought them together, because Bodie lets Doyle look after him to start with - he wants to, wants him, wants the comfort of him, and of course Doyle has to be there giving him that comfort. And being Doyle he takes his chance, and my heart just squeezes for the hope in him... and then it seems like it must be all gone, and this is goodbye then - but of course it isn't, because when the chips are down Bodie is pulled back to Doyle yet again, desperate to find him in the snowstorm, because he just can't let go.

I love this story for what the lads are to each other, absolutely unbreakable being there for each other. And yet, as you say, it's totally realistic! Doyle's done something unforgivable because he didn't understand that Bodie really meant his love, and Bodie doesn't forgive him. I think that even when they say goodbye, Bodie doesn't really believe that it is - he knows Doyle will always be there for him, so he can stay angry with him. It's only when he comes up against the reality of the fact that Doyle might not be, that he realises he has to stop playing the martyr (as Doyle accuses him of once - or was it the victim? Either way...), because Doyle could be dead and then he'd never be able to forgive him, ever.

Oh, and ETA - this story has one of my favourite sex scenes ever too - not just passion and desire between them, but the depth of their need for each other, and how they can affect each other so much. Both of them aching to prove to the other that there's only the two of them. The final sentence of it melts me every time, too - "Bodie lost himself in the kiss, and after a while Doyle started to rock gently under him, and Bodie fucked Doyle then, just as gently, moving in and out of him, carefully, kissing him and holding him tight against himself, then trembling and finally coming, shaking so hard, shaking inside Doyle, mute, oh for so long." Those last four words saying so much...

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Love that expression 'slow burn' - a perfect way to describe what was going on between our lads.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *g*

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

just waiting for it come right - and it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't...
Yes, same with me. You can feel they are wrong, it's obviously, but no !

absolutely unbreakable being there for each other.
and that a natural way - I love the authors's writing here.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

It's wonderful writing, isn't it! *g*

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

Lol, oh, yeah, I'm sure that Doyle would want to seduce Bodie, no matter the circumstances, I just don't see the person with the cold being all that into it. I mean, I'm sure you've had a really bad cold, and it sounds as if Bodie has a really bad cold. Having sex while your nose is all stuffed up and your head is pounding, your throat is sore, and your body aches. Nope, not something I'd be up for. *g*

That said, yes, it's a gorgeous sex scene.

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Thanks very much for this rec and for your review. I feel I’ve loved this story all my life - i.e. from when I first started reading pros – and that it really is my kind of story: quality writing, very strong in mood and atmosphere, realistic, subtle and very sexy.. And the best thing to come out of rereading it? I still love it!

But, just for the sake of discussion, I’m going to try and be objective/critical!

I really like this story, and the way that the story is structured

Yeah.. . but at times I felt their estrangement was going on a bit too long and I feel my impatience with this is largely due to reading it from a Kindle where you can’t gauge the length of a story in the same way as reading it from an A4 zine. I kept thinking when are they going to have it out properly?

The problem between them, (which we finally learn is that Doyle has been unfaithful,) is not resolved overnight. Betrayal never is. Bodie has been deeply hurt, and is not about to run back into Doyle’s arms bust because Doyle has said he’s sorry. I found realistic

I’m torn on this point. One bit of me thinks it’s realistic but another bit thinks how can they go on like this, month after month being so angry with each other? When they’re working so closely together? Anger is exhausting and there were times when they seemed to be getting on OK and then they didn't again, so it was a bit kind of up and down.

And I agree about the cold!

Thanks again.

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

quality writing, very strong in mood and atmosphere, realistic, subtle and very sexy
I totally agree with you.

And I was impatient, too. Repeatedly I had to force myself going back to the begin of a paragraph to read it properly.

how can they go on like this, month after month being so angry with each other?
In my opinion Bodie recognised how much Doyle means to him and how much he can be hurt by that fact.
He's afraid of getting hurt again, so he fights against it.

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

In my opinion Bodie recognised how much Doyle means to him and how much he can be hurt by that fact.
He's afraid of getting hurt again, so he fights against it.

I agree with you re Bodie's reaction, it just seemed odd to me that they could work together for months, get on together sometimes but then it would go downhill again. Great story, though.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

I feel I’ve loved this story all my life
Yes! Exactly how I feel!

my impatience with this is largely due to reading it from a Kindle where you can’t gauge the length of a story
This is one of my biggest frustrations with e-readers - you can't tell what's to come or not to come...

another bit thinks how can they go on like this, month after month being so angry with each other? When they’re working so closely together? Anger is exhausting and there were times when they seemed to be getting on OK and then they didn't again, so it was a bit kind of up and down
I didn't have a problem with this, it was so much part of the gorgeous heartbreak of it all for me. But I think it works for me compared to the now-that-I've-told-you-I-love-you-I-have-to-leave-CI5-and-go-back-to-Africa-[usually!]/hide-somewhere. I find this quite realistic - if you love your job, and you know you work well with someone, then wouldn't you try to keep that part of your life working, if you felt hearbroken over your personal life (and at the same time you really loved the person you were working with, and didn't want to lose them)?

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

I suppose what threw me were the times they seemed to get on a bit better, almost as if they'd forgotten to be at odds with each other, and then their relationship would go downhill again. But I think you're right in that that their long-term, smouldering anger is more realistic than doing something like rushing off to Africa etc.

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

It is an absolutely lovely story. Quality writing says it all. Castalia was (is?) a great writer.

Their time apart is one of things I really like about it! I can't remember if that's the way I felt the first time I read it, though. I don't think so, but you never know. But some of Castalia's other stories seem to have the same set-up, a drawn out estrangement, or at least misunderstanding.

Finally, someone agrees! *g*

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

I couldn't stop reading. It's not my time for commenting at all, but it's such a touching story and I can't get it out of my mind that quick.

That story cools the temperatur around me down. I can feel the coldness between them. Even so there is still care of each other.

Holding his stomach, he saw Bodie's brown trainers stopping near him……..
He glanced quickly at his partner……
Bodie watched him talking gently to her….
He glanced sideways, checking on Doyle.

But then, the relationship changes, gets worse. Bodie even wants to hurt Doyle .
Bodie was dancing cheek to cheek with his girlfriend. His eyes followed Doyle until he disappeared in the corridor.
And Doyle is suffering like hell, all the time.

I was a bit surprised at Bodie's statement:
"And you always get what you want, right?" But there was no resentment in her words………
"No. Not always, no," Bodie answered her question, closing his eyes briefly.
He's quite honest there, I wouldn't have expected that from Bodie. And not to himself at all.

We only get sections of their life and not an explanation. Usually I want to know exactly why……but here, it isn't necessary. It is focused on how do they get on, is there a future together or do they split up.

There's another surprise for me:
"…….Ray. I'm a possessive bastard, you know that. And you...can't chain you down, can I? It's not gonna work. We tried."
Usually it's the other way around - at least, I am familiar with.

Then, I stopped my reading diary *g* because I didn't want to stop reading.
Thank you for telling me how the story will end. I am sure, I wouldn't have borne the last scene.

The story is different and well written, thank you for recommending it.

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

That the entire story is set in winter, and a cold, snowy winter at that, does set the atmosphere. They're both cold, deep down in their souls, something even Bodie is willing to admit.

Yes, I like that, too, that we don't know exactly what Doyle did until well into the story, and even then we don't know with who. It's more about how it's affected both their lives.

Glad you liked the story. It's one of my favorites,

[snailbones.livejournal.com]

Bummer - I haven't read it yet, but now you've made me desperate to read - thank you!

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

Lol, well, run don't walk over to read it. You won't be disappointed.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, so so good. This story is amazing - it hurts so awfully but there's no way you can stop - it's just addicting. Everything about it is done so well... B and D are both gorgeously in character - realistically portrayed with both good and bad parts, the achingly cold standoff between them mirrored in the weather, the cracks in their ice showing how hot it really remains between them, their absolute expertise at their job despite the turmoil underneath. I don't know how Castalia does it, but it's brilliant. The dull muffled quiet that permeates so much of the story - perfectly expressing the bruising ache of the break between them.
I have to say that all of your comments make me so happy - to read each of your reactions and thoughts. I hope I can come back and reply individually! I read them and want to highlight them and put big "yes!"s all over them.
A few bits that pop to mind... The scene where Bodie arrives at the party - it is exquisite in portraying Bodie, who he is, why the others love him, the role he plays, and we see it through Doyle. Doyle is also incredibly portrayed - so masculine, so sure, so attractive, despite the pain he feels. I like that the specifics of what happened are not important, that it's the principles that remain. I love the pacing, like the weather, the agonizing slow plod and then a sudden jerk of heat, soon covered in snow. The phone scene, the scene when Bodie is about to shower, the love scene, the opening where there are almost no words but so much is laid out, the work scenes where their expertise shines (like Bodie cleanly wrapping up the one scene)... The description of Doyle in the snow from above (to me it always prefigures the helicopter at the end)... The way it is exceedingly clear how absolutely attuned they are to each other - connected - mind reading - like Murphy points out, as demonstrated when Bodie is searching for Doyle... So so good.
I am starting to practically drool and repeat myself, so I had better stop. I loved the "slow burn" description - perfect! Then I thought, it's more appropriately "slow freezer burn," but that gives a mixed impression! But you know what I'm getting at... :)

[gilda-elise.livejournal.com]

It really is an amazing story, isn't it? There's an underlying poetry to it that draws the reader in and leads you through this truly trying time in Bodie and Doyle's relationship. Everything fits.

I like that the specifics of what happened are not important, that it's the principles that remain.

So very well put! I couldn't agree more.

And so glad to hear when someone loves a story as much as I do. :-)

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

So many good observations here:

The dull muffled quiet that permeates so much of the story - perfectly expressing the bruising ache of the break between them.

Another description I really like.

And yes, they are *so* connected, aren't they? Despite being at odds with each other they're still totally in tune in their mutual anger.