Reading Room 2019 III: Transport Cafe by Elizabeth Holden (Fajrdrako)

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Transport Cafe by Elizabeth Holden (fajrdrako) (now updated and complete at AO3!) has all of the best that a Bodie and Doyle story can have, while avoiding any of the faults! It captures Bodie and Doyle beautifully, painting them with exactly the right amount of heat, grit, and humor. And, it does all this in a relatively short package. There is a lot to love! Let me enumerate the ways while hopefully keeping this shorter than the story itself...

For me, the heart of any story comes down to how Bodie and Doyle interact - how they feel about each other, how they treat each other, how they move together, how they communicate; This story serves a splendid feast. Everything is set within the frame of the transport cafe experience - gritty, dark, contained, but semi-comedic, with a chorus of side characters. (Do we maybe identify with them? I know *I* would be staring at them like gods incarnate! but I need to color my hair green.) Within this stop at the transport cafe, we flash back to five days of an op from hell. The case is painted with deft strokes, just enough detail to feel real and dark, but limited enough that it flies - we can feel the way it drags for them, while it flies for us. It's the two of them doing their perfectly paired act, no need to talk, working in tandem, prowling together, pushing each other.

I find the balance and contrast between dark and light in the story very attractive. Their job isn't swept over or diluted (like the coffee...); it's portrayed realistically with real danger and how the dirt affects them, the pointlessness, the foulness, the disillusionment. I like that what they do doesn't melt away in service of getting them together (for example, Doyle was "too tired to talk and too worn out to remember why he wanted to"). Like Doyle, I return to that dialogue about how the criminals are just out to kill each other - it's a hell of a business, when Bodie replies, "So's ours." But it's not belabored (like I'm belaboring here!). EH is so very good at providing exactly what we need for the picture, without going over. And she tele/microscopes so well - as in this beauty when Doyle wonders "how anything black [his coffee] could be so tasteless. But then everything was black, wasn't it? The scowls on the people here. The dirt and the shadows in the corners. The night outside. Bodie's mood."

The lighter side is just as masterfully done. There is humor and banter and joking in just the right tone... For example: "CI5 agent sleeps himself to death... Cowley would frown"; sugar killing germs; silence tripping Trappist monks; the idiots like babies wailing for attention; confiscating knives; and Doyle undoing buttons when it's suddenly quite hot in the cafe... And executed with just the right rhythm as well, never going too far in one direction for too long.

“Looking” or “watching” is a theme that runs strongly throughout the story: within the cafe frame (watching B sip coffee, watching his fingers, watching B and the girl, etc.) and within the flashback time frames ("Would you have liked that, watching us?"; "D'you like the thought? Me watching you with her?"; one looking at the other and coming). There is a LOT of looking going on. It's impossible to miss Doyle looking at Bodie, over and over, and Bodie looking at Doyle. There’s even "Doyle watched Bodie pretend not to be watched"! A lot of the heat comes by way of the sight of each other. I have to include Doyle's thought, "He wondered why he had never thought about how beautiful Bodie was before. Because it would have driven him mad, probably." All of this is very compelling - I know that I am extremely capable of filling in the visuals!

The heat? Red hot and sizzling. And the tension builds, each encounter cranking it up a notch, getting more exciting, dangerous, powerful, fulfilling. I dare say it's written with the same level of skill as Bodie and Doyle exhibit in their encounters!

Coming back to the heart of it, for me. Love? is a fairly rare topic in Pros stories that I like. But here it is, and it is perfectly done. They each understand the seriousness of what's happening, but "Still, the subject they had not discussed lay between them." Bodie's saying, "What do you want?... I was your partner, the rest didn't matter," his self revelation, and Doyle's description of how "being on the job with Bodie was what he wanted more than anything else in the world. Here. Now. Always." The depth of their panic when realizing exactly how important they are to each other and what they are risking losing. It's just gorgeous how it works out. How in the end they don't need words to communicate perfectly, (the finger-touching reminding me of post-Mayli finger communication...)  It goes without saying!

Bravo for making it this far! There’s not much more, but there is a bit of a surprise. I don’t have the zine “Night Music in B and D” and had only read the version that is online at AO3. Preparing for this Reading Room, I asked the author if I could help clean up typos in the document and EH was most gracious. Then conferring with Byslantedlight, she discovered that there was a glitch in posting it to AO3 and that the story that I love to distraction is actually *missing* a major chunk! This is also being cleared up, thankfully, and the full version will be up soon! The whole story has been posted online before – it was part of the Discovered in a Live Journal Whilst A-Caroling challenge. So, more to love! I am wondering if any of you had read both versions before, and if so, what was your response? Did it change your view of the story at all? Did anyone, like me, only know and love the version up at AO3? Did you have an inkling that something was odd? There are plot points in the missing bits and the sex in the story increases by a third, at least!

Thank you for allowing me to gush and share my mad love for this story! The best part is finding others to discuss it with, others who understand the levels of madness a story can make one descend to! What did you love about the story? What scene sticks in your mind? Did you see an inkling of yourself in any of the transport café customers (or Trina!)? What will B & D do after they make it to the Capri? Do you think we could persuade EH to write a companion piece from Bodie’s pov? As Bodie suggests, “Let’s get going.”

Comments

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

So good to see you posting here! I'll be back later but in the meantime, well done and thank you!

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

It's great to be back, and thank *you*!

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Me again....

Thanks so much for this analysis, Paris! You’ve made so many good points which didn’t occur to me at the time of reading. I love this story, too, though maybe not always for the same reasons: wonderful interaction between them (yes, I love the finger touching part, more sensual than any bonking scene) and I loved the backcloth of the café and the way Bodie kept getting up to deal with the various nuisances which were putting him off his stroke (down girl) and Doyle, not worried in the slightest as he knew Bodie could take them all with one hand. And I love the flashbacks, always intriguing to wonder what happened on day 2 and 3 etc.

I find the balance and contrast between dark and light in the story very attractive

Yes, though I’d have to say that for some reason I felt the story had more dark than light (maybe that was partly to do with the café they were in? Half depressing English greasy spoon and half American diner) and it’s not a criticism, I love it. In fact the way I remember this story (which was borne out on rereading it), is that there’s an air of moodiness or bleakness about it (reminded me of Sebastian's Down to the Waterline) but I don’t want to sound ungrateful because I love it! It’s how I see their kind of relationship developing, realistically. And maybe it’s because I love a moody and angry Bodie? But whatever it is they’re feeling (love? Something profound, at least) it doesn’t seem to make them happy, especially Bodie, which is often the case in stories and probably reflects real life, that you can love someone but it doesn’t mean that they will or are able to make you happy.

The lighter side is just as masterfully done.

Yes, there *is* a lighter side which I love, skillfully written as the background to what’s going on between the two lads. The layabouts in the cafe, the poor girl hanging on to them in the absence of anything better and the old lady nodding off every now and then (if any of them was me it was her!). But at the same time as being funny these characters are also no-hopers – why else would they be in this god forsaken place late at night if they had better options? So, it’s funny but sad, and I think this is great writing because that’s what real life is like. Maybe the central part played by the cafe and the idea to weave the story around it is why I find it quite bleak? And the scenes where they have sex are often in literally, dark places, plus the frustration of the work - all these things add up to their desperation and the outlet of sex.

Just one thing which I didn’t quite get and wondered if this was to do with the missing chunk you mention:

"You made me want it. You found my weakness, and you used me," said Bodie

This surprised me as it wasn’t the impression I’d got so I went back and took another look. The writer does refer to a scene where Doyle’s reflecting on how he first gave Bodie a hand job a couple of days earlier, but sadly (unless I’ve missed it) the reader doestn’t get to share this scene, but on the following occasions when they have sexual contact it seemed to me that it was very much Bodie who initiates it, so I’m not sure why he’s so angry with Doyle.

I'm sure I've got much more to say in response to your comments so I might be back (again) but I agree with you, I love this story!

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

Yes, though I’d have to say that for some reason I felt the story had more dark than light (maybe that was partly to do with the café they were in? Half depressing English greasy spoon and half American diner) and it’s not a criticism, I love it.

I totally agree! :-)
I love it too(except for the few points I mentioned above) because of this rainy-dark-tired-mood. And I think that the 'light' moments are more gallows humour - so they fit to the 'dark' impression of the story.

"And maybe it’s because I love a moody and angry Bodie?"

Don't you think, that it's a bit 'too much'? In the episodes is isn't (long) that way, no matter how bad the circumstances. Or did I miss something?

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Gallows humour? Yes, I think that's a perfect description.

Don't you think, that it's a bit 'too much'? In the episodes is isn't (long) that way, no matter how bad the circumstances. Or did I miss something?

I've been trying to think of examples of a dark and moody canon Bodie and the kind of examples I'm thinking of are probably more dark than moody and can be found in Wild Justice (e.g. in the pub when he tries to start a fight with the leader of the biker gang), in Slush Fund when he almost comes to blows with Cowley after one of the agents is found hanging; or Fall Girl when he thinks he's been betrayed. I think you're right, though, it's not really an accurate description of a typical, canon Bodie, but I was thinking more of the Bodie we find in fanon in certain stories by certain writers.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Ahh, I love your comments, S2K! We do think very similarly on this one.
I love your note about the finger touching... And I realized while reading that I would be closer in age to the granny than the others...

When I hear you explain why it feels more dark than light, I have to say I agree, despite what I say in my post! You are right - the overall atmosphere is bleak. The transport cafe is dark, and grimy, and the feeling is one of interminable unending gloom without hope of escape - almost like a time warp. And what you note about the people being "no-hopers" - YES, that, exactly. And " I think this is great writing because that’s what real life is like", again, I think you've expressed it perfectly. I also like the way you note that sex is an outlet for all this desperation - exactly - violence, too.

For some reason, when I read it, there is something in Doyle's point of view that makes me see hope - that sweeps away the gloom. The asides and comments. That cut the forsaken-ness up into smaller chunks that I can bear, and see around. Perhaps I've just been reading it too closely in the last week!

I also completely understand your questioning Bodie's attitude. I had a similar reaction to him - the harshness of calling Doyle a whore, for example - what we'd seen didn't seem to justify that level of sharpness... I took it as a sign of Bodie's general malaise and stress over the job, but it niggled. I do think that the missing bits add a layer of understanding to it, although it still seems a bit out of character, somehow, for who he is in the story. (The missing scene does have Doyle initiating contact.)

Trying to respond to comments on here is really challenging - because there's the other bits you and the rest have said already below that reflect on this, and how do we manage it?! Forgive me if I mess it up and get muddled, okay? More coming below, I hope!

[firlefanzine.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this great analysis of the story! :-)
I really enjoyed it!

For example this:
"The case is painted with deft strokes, just enough detail to feel real and dark, but limited enough that it flies - we can feel the way it drags for them, while it flies for us. It's the two of them doing their perfectly paired act, no need to talk, working in tandem, prowling together, pushing each other."

Great!

Or this:
Everything is set within the frame of the transport cafe experience - gritty, dark, contained, but semi-comedic, with a chorus of side characters. (Do we maybe identify with them? I know *I* would be staring at them like gods incarnate! but I need to color my hair green.)

*g* I must think about it! :-)
Do I identify with the green haired girl???
Hmmmmmm....

Anyway. All of your thought are very valuable, and I have to pay more attention when I reread the story!

To be true, I didn't notice the 'glitch' you are talking about, because unfortunately I read the story in too many small parts.
Would you please tell us, when the new full version is up?

But here are my thoughts -

To immerse myself into the mood of the story, I played ‘The long and winding road’ for a few times – now I literally could murder a juke-box… How boring and nerve-racking! :-O
(normally I love The Beatles!)

Anyway. This story is exactly my cup of tea!
First of all the situation we are thrown into. The rainy night and the shabby café, the exhaustion of the lads, the clientele inside, the sleeping woman, the bad coffee – the music.

Then we have Bodie and Doyle the way I love them. There is the familiarity between them, and though tired to their bones, they make jokes(“Death by somnolence -- CI5 agent sleeps himself to death. Cowley would frown").

Then there are flashbacks. Not too long, that’s important for the main story, I think.
They just deliver some kind of background information for what happens in the café.
Very well done!

I must say, that I love Bodie’s fight too! :-) No time and place to be political correct! :-P

The style of writing is perfect for me. The atmosphere is nicely described, and the end is lovely!



Really, the only thing that disturbs me a bit, is the moodiness of Bodie!
(They had awakened to a rainy afternoon, and more work. Bodie was tense and moody… It was Bodie who reached for it, his face still stony. "Bodie," he snapped… A broody bastard, Bodie was. Never said anything he didn't feel like saying… It was later, in the car, with Bodie being closed-mouthed and snappish at the wheel…).

And his reaction to Doyle’s need to talk about their sex encounters is kind of weird, isn't it?

("You manipulative little bastard," said Bodie. "Think you own me, do you? Think you can crook a finger and I"ll come running, is that it?"… "A slave?" said Bodie, with the cover of the noise. "A lackey? What? I was your partner, the rest didn't matter. Now you've overturned that, and I don't know why. Are you setting me up, Ray? Bored enough to play fucking games when the birds aren't around? Is this some monstrous cruel joke? What?")

Would Bodie really think this way! So complicated and full of inferiority complexes??? Like a prima donna?
What has Doyle done to deserve this???

So, that is something that spoils the story for me a bit, I can’t help.
But just a bit! ;-)

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

What has Doyle done to deserve this???

Made Bodie want him? Which is an emotion he doesn't usually feel as he's usually the one who's wanted. Maybe?

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

Would Bodie really think this way! So complicated and full of inferiority complexes??? Like a prima donna?
What has Doyle done to deserve this???

I was struggeling too, my explanation is:
Bodie thinks he has gave away himself. His  concealed feelings for Doyle are in the open now and he he can't resist him or them anymore.  What he doesn't know is, how his partner feels about.
There is no protecting wall around Bodie's heart anymore and he's vulnerable. Offence is the best defence.
And that's Bodie, and so it fits in.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

I didn't notice the 'glitch' you are talking about, because unfortunately I read the story in too many small parts.
Would you please tell us, when the new full version is up? I left you a message at your journal, and I'll certainly let you know when it's up on AO3 in full, too! I completely took the story as whole and perfect, despite the missing parts!! It really was a surprise for me, a shock! There were little bits and bobs, but I accepted them as part of the style of not telling too much, of leaving the small details unsaid for us to fill in on our own (like the hand job!). Restraint on the author's part!

To immerse myself into the mood of the story, I played ‘The long and winding road’ for a few times – now I literally could murder a juke-box… How boring and nerve-racking! :-O (normally I love The Beatles!)
You made me laugh with this! I also usually love the Beatles but dislike this one song! And I confess, for some reason, I had a version of this song by Cher - and it was the most awful version ever - and that's what I hear in the background of the story... It's terrible! A very astute choice of song...

This story is exactly my cup of tea!
Yes! I absolutely agree with your assessment and reading of it - very nicely summarized.

Really, the only thing that disturbs me a bit, is the moodiness of Bodie!
(They had awakened to a rainy afternoon, and more work. Bodie was tense and moody… It was Bodie who reached for it, his face still stony. "Bodie," he snapped… A broody bastard, Bodie was. Never said anything he didn't feel like saying… It was later, in the car, with Bodie being closed-mouthed and snappish at the wheel…).

And his reaction to Doyle’s need to talk about their sex encounters is kind of weird, isn't it?

("You manipulative little bastard," said Bodie. "Think you own me, do you? Think you can crook a finger and I"ll come running, is that it?"… "A slave?" said Bodie, with the cover of the noise. "A lackey? What? I was your partner, the rest didn't matter. Now you've overturned that, and I don't know why. Are you setting me up, Ray? Bored enough to play fucking games when the birds aren't around? Is this some monstrous cruel joke? What?")

Would Bodie really think this way! So complicated and full of inferiority complexes??? Like a prima donna?
What has Doyle done to deserve this???

So, that is something that spoils the story for me a bit, I can’t help.

I feel you on each of these points - I said a little about it above to S2K, but I do want to talk about this. Unfortunately, I have to dash - will be back to keep discussing in a bit. Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your thoughts - this is so enjoyable!

[cim3745.livejournal.com]

I had read TC just before I've read your thoughts about it. I have to admit I was a bit pertubed at the beginning of the story. TC needs its time to develop into one piece.
Your words about it makes it more intensive.

Thank you for this post and for this story.

[jat-sapphire.livejournal.com]

What a thoughtful and lovely synopsis!

I love the little passage in the story that sums up how awful the op has been-- mean and gritty and depressing, so giving Bodie a hand job feels chummy, like cheering him up, to Doyle, while to Bodie it's apparently a way to take advantage of his desperatation and bind him to Doyle even more. Then in the caff, Doyle's bit about how hard it is to find any conventional relationship feels absolutely true to the girls they use, discard, or are discarded by. Who can they love but each other? How can they not cleave to each other? But poor Bodie needs to be reminded of that, even when the no-hopers in the caffe keep interrupting (dang, I love that fight--fast and just the right details). Like needing to eat even when the food is so grim.

I'm so excited that there's more of the story that I haven't read yet! I want to come back when I've seen that and thought about it.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

I've been waiting anxiously for you to comment, because I know you love the story too! So glad you're here!

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Bodie. Part 1 Because the reply windows make me crazy, I thought I'd try to collect some of the commentary and thoughts about Bodie's reactions here. And I'm hoping we can think about how our opinions change, or if they do change, between the short version and the full version of the story.

Discussion so far (I hope I got this all straight! I believe that this discussion reflects the short version of the story):

S2K wrote: I love a moody and angry Bodie. But whatever it is they’re feeling (love? Something profound, at least) it doesn’t seem to make them happy, especially Bodie, which is often the case in stories and probably reflects real life, that you can love someone but it doesn’t mean that they will or are able to make you happy. And "You made me want it. You found my weakness, and you used me," said Bodie. This surprised me as it wasn’t the impression I’d got ... I’m not sure why he’s so angry with Doyle.

Firlefanzine wrote: "a moody and angry Bodie?" Don't you think, that it's a bit 'too much'? In the episodes is isn't (long) that way, no matter how bad the circumstances.

S2K: examples of a dark and moody canon Bodie and the kind of examples I'm thinking of are probably more dark than moody and can be found in Wild Justice (e.g. in the pub when he tries to start a fight with the leader of the biker gang), in Slush Fund when he almost comes to blows with Cowley after one of the agents is found hanging; or Fall Girl when he thinks he's been betrayed. I think you're right, though, it's not really an accurate description of a typical, canon Bodie, but I was thinking more of the Bodie we find in fanon in certain stories by certain writers.

Cim3745 wrote: We don't see it very often, actually, but it is there. Like Shooting2kill already said, he is acting like in WJ and explodes like in Involvment. It matches perfectly - for me

Paris wrote: I also completely understand your questioning Bodie's attitude. I had a similar reaction to him - the harshness of calling Doyle a whore, for example - what we'd seen didn't seem to justify that level of sharpness... I took it as a sign of Bodie's general malaise and stress over the job, but it niggled. I do think that the missing bits add a layer of understanding to it, although it still seems a bit out of character, somehow, for who he is in the story. (The missing scene does have Doyle initiating contact.)

Firlefanzine wrote: Really, the only thing that disturbs me a bit, is the moodiness of Bodie!
(They had awakened to a rainy afternoon, and more work. Bodie was tense and moody… It was Bodie who reached for it, his face still stony. "Bodie," he snapped… A broody bastard, Bodie was. Never said anything he didn't feel like saying… It was later, in the car, with Bodie being closed-mouthed and snappish at the wheel…).
And his reaction to Doyle’s need to talk about their sex encounters is kind of weird, isn't it?
("You manipulative little bastard," said Bodie. "Think you own me, do you? Think you can crook a finger and I"ll come running, is that it?"… "A slave?" said Bodie, with the cover of the noise. "A lackey? What? I was your partner, the rest didn't matter. Now you've overturned that, and I don't know why. Are you setting me up, Ray? Bored enough to play fucking games when the birds aren't around? Is this some monstrous cruel joke? What?")
Would Bodie really think this way! So complicated and full of inferiority complexes??? Like a prima donna?
What has Doyle done to deserve this???
So, that is something that spoils the story for me a bit, I can’t help.

S2K replies: What has Doyle done to deserve this? Made Bodie want him? Which is an emotion he doesn't usually feel as he's usually the one who's wanted. Maybe?

Firlefanzine replies: Yeah, maybe. But would Bodie really talk such nonsense? About being a slave? A lackey?
I vaguely remember a story or two, were one of them manipulates the other - but that was clearly different!

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Bodie. Part 2

Cim3745 replies: I was struggeling too, my explanation is: Bodie thinks he has gave away himself. His concealed feelings for Doyle are in the open now and he he can't resist him or them anymore. What he doesn't know is, how his partner feels about.There is no protecting wall around Bodie's heart anymore and he's vulnerable. Offence is the best defence.
And that's Bodie, and so it fits in.

S2K replies: "There is no protecting wall around Bodie's heart anymore and he's vulnerable. Offence is the best defence."
I agree!

Firlefanzine replies: Hmmmmm.... Yeah. Maybe...Though they only had 'once or twice quick and rough sex in an alley', Bodie knows that he has given away his caring for Doyle... Yeah, maybe it really would fit! :-)

Soooo much to think about.

I keep returning to the idea that Bodie has a misconception about Doyle, that he thinks Doyle is really liking the sex but it taking it lightly, a quick thrill - I think we can figure this out from the way Doyle is described and from what he thinks. He seems almost giddy in the first scene (full version), the tenderness, saying beautiful, but still seeming to be unfazed, taking it in stride. I can imagine Bodie trying to read him, and perhaps getting a wire crossed. Doyle's attitude to this all seems so mature, relaxed, you know? He's just "Why didn't you tell me you could do this before now? Let's do it some more!" Then in the alley, Bodie cajoles him into it while Doyle acts like he doesn't care at first. Then Doyle turns on again, and it's incredible how his reaction is described! The re-imaging of who Bodie is, in his head. Doyle's already 100% on this, full speed ahead, now and forever. But you can still see why Bodie might not understand this when you look at the words Doyle says... (Sorry for this play by play of my interpretations...!)

Then this dialogue:

He said harshly, "What kind of whore are you?"
"Any kind you want," said Doyle, trying to make it light. "Try me. I have a few skills. Licensed to thrill, that's me."
Bodie didn't smile. It was hard to interpret his expression, except as anger, or perhaps disgust.
"Thought you liked it," said Doyle.
"Suppose I did," said Bodie. "What are you after, Doyle?"
Doyle opened his mouth, and shut it again, wondering what the question meant.

This is where my thinking begins to falter. It is just too harsh for rationales I can come up with. Except for the portmanteau of everything already mentioned weighing on him, and the fear of what sex is going to do to their partnership. But Doyle's lighthearted response, I think, makes it worse, somehow verifies Bodies worst fears (in my opinion!)

Then there's the outburst in the cafe - the slap on the table, NO! My thinking is that Bodie is really desperate to leave this new thing behind them in Sheffield. Not let it infect and endanger their everyday basis and home. Doyle brings up doing it at home, and Boom. But again, I wobble.

"You manipulative little bastard," said Bodie. "Think you own me, do you? Think you can crook a finger and I'll come running, is that it?"
"You wanted it," said Doyle, breathing a little more quickly than he wanted to. "You arrogant sod. You wanted it."
"You made me want it. You found my weakness, and you used me," said Bodie.

It's hard for me to really figure out a rationale for the words. Because he knows Doyle, we know Doyle - why would he think these things of him? Except, I think of excuses like, he's obviously terrified of everything falling apart, and is lashing out. He thinks he's lost everything. I wonder if in some ways there are basics that apply - like there's the longstanding connection between them with trust and unspoken communication, but there's also the competition between them which has to do with power, and now there's a new level. Maybe he thinks he's lost everything and he doesn't even have his pride because he can't stop wanting this with Doyle, whatever the terms. It's got to be like salt on a wound that Doyle remains so calm, so rational, keeping his temper, like everything is fine.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Bodie. Part 3

Then comes the deluge:

"Couldn't stop thinking about it, could I?" Bodie lowered his voice to an almost inaudible angry whisper. "Couldn't stop thinking what you'd done and how you'd done it. D'you know how good you are? Fingers like a piano player, strong and flexible, and you know just where to put them. You know just where to touch, and how. Couldn't forget. And you looked at me with that come-and-get-me stare, and flexed your hips just so – drove me mad with it, didn't you? You knew just what you were doing."
"No," whispered Doyle, avidly.
"Yes, you did. You know me better'n I know myself, don't you? So you let me do it to you in the alley, let me have you in the car park, and I gave you everything you could want, didn't I? And I would have done more. What I don't understand is what you want from me."
----
"A slave?" said Bodie, with the cover of the noise. "A lackey? What? I was your partner, the rest didn't matter. Now you've overturned that, and I don't know why. Are you setting me up, Ray? Bored enough to play fucking games when the birds aren't around? Is this some monstrous cruel joke? What?" ....Bodie said, "But – " His face was a study in shock.
"All," he said. "Love." He had to say it more loudly to be heard at all. Bodie looked as if he had been stricken blind and deaf. "Love. I'm saying I love you, Bodie."

So, instead of his fears being confirmed, what he didn't hope for comes true?

HUGE SIGH. The more I think about it, the less I seem to understand! Ack! I don't want niggles in the background, but in some cases where I love a story enough (like this one) I'm happy to just let the niggles be. Why should I presume to understand Bodie's thinking, I ask myself?! I promise you, I'm not always this compulsive about stories! I usually read and love and don't think too much about them... I hope that with my drawn-out attempt at organization and flow-charting, it makes a little bit of sense! Bodie - quit messing us about! you're out of order!

I am all ears - what are you guys thinking? any new interpretations or theories?

[jat-sapphire.livejournal.com]

*sigh* "Doyle whispered, avidly" I MEAN! That last word is so perfect and so surprising. I feel as if just that word explains Bodie's reaction, at least partly.

[shooting2kill.livejournal.com]

Sorry not to get in before now but I just wanted to say thank you so much for collating all the various discussion points etc. made by everyone - a Herculean task which must have taken you ages but it's very helpful.

I'm not sure I've got a lot more to add but I'll try and return tomorrow.

[livejournal.livejournal.com]

Hello! Your entry got to top-25 of the most popular entries in LiveJournal!
Learn more about LiveJournal Ratings in FAQ (https://www.dreamwidth.org/support/faqbrowse?faqid=303).

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Finally - I thought I was never going to get here! Stoopid work and stoopid non-focus brain... But here!

And I've just re-read Transport Cafe again, because I've been keeping half an eye on the comments as they came in, and thinking hmmmn... *g* So - maybe I'll give my response to your post/the story first, and then jump in? Yeah... *g*

So - I do like this story! I'm a fan of Elizabeth Holden's writing in general, which is generally good solid stuff that seems to really be about life.... or, no what I think I mean is that she generally writes B/D romance as based in real life, rather than life as based in B/D romance. So the lads aren't slushy and the grimmer things in life aren't just glanced over as if they don't affect them. Us.

while avoiding any of the faults!
I suppose I wouldn't go quite that far - I felt that I was more in an American diner than I was a transport caf over here, sometimes to the point of farce. The older woman asleep on the bar, who kept waking up to look around and then going back to sleep was just straight out of an American comedy - I could see her on screen. Which is good writing in one way, obviously, but... I wish there'd been something to place her as a character in a transport caf rather than that diner. Come to think of it, that might be partly because most transport cafs I've been in don't have counters like that! Like maybe instead of "The old woman at the counter was snoring" and "A white-haired female snored gently at the end of the counter, her head cradled in her arms." (huh, just realised she was introduced twice!) it'd been "There was a bag lady at one of the tables, an indeterminate mound of clothes, snoring gently with her head in her arms".

Come to that, the author's rather harsh with all the women in the story - they're "tarts and crones [rather] than women" in the caf, "tarty" in the club, and at the other end, "some wretched woman with too many fingernails..." The story's from Doyle's pov - is that how he thinks of women? Even the green-haired teenager, as a "tart"? And I'm definitely not convinced he'd think of older women as "crones". So that made me blink a bit.

But back to the good stuff, of which there was infinitely more. *g*

(Dammit, I knew I'd go over the character-limit!)

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

I find the balance and contrast between dark and light in the story very attractive
I'm not sure about attractive *g* but it definitely works! Because the background of what they do and where they are is so grim that of course they use levity to deal with it. I think Bodie's mood is reflecting this too - he's tense and bad-tempered and then broody all the way through, and you wonder if this really is the Bodie that we see in the eps, and then you realise that no, it's not. This is Bodie-pushed-to-extremes, a Bodie that we catch glimpses of in the eps when someone he loves has been hurt (Doyle, in Slush Fund and DiaG, Claire in MWaP); the Bodie we catch glimpses of when he's wondering if he's been betrayed (by Doyle and everyone in Fall Girl, by his past in Wild Justice). Things get to him, and he's suddenly not the devil-may-care Bodie that we see in most eps, he's more like the Bodie we see in Close Quarters, not quite in control, not entirely handling it well, and prone to violence (slapping Julia in CQ, getting involved in the fights in the transport caf). And he finds it hard to talk about the things he loves, as we see in WtJE, where he wants to tell Doyle about the girl in Africa, but has to do it with his back to him, not meeting his eyes, in chopped-up phrases.

So... I think for me this is really a Bodie fic, even though it's from Doyle's pov. We eventually find out, through the flashbacks and the magic of being the readers, not being Doyle (*g*), that Bodie's wondering if he's been betrayed by Doyle. Doyle brought something into the open when he reached over to Bodie and gave him a handjob in the car, and Bodie wasn't able to resist it. That opening allowed him to do the same for Doyle, when Doyle was tense, but we know at the end of the story that all along it meant more to Bodie than he was able to show. And of course Doyle didn't show how much either thing meant to him, but as the readers we knew. He didn't speak either - his reaction was to take up the challenge of this new frightening thing - to face it down the way he faces down Macklin in training. Bodie, on the other hand, isn't in control of his reaction - he just knows he wants more, he wants Doyle, and that he's not seen anything in Doyle that makes him think he'll get that more. He's out of control when he nearly crashes the car, and he's out of control because Doyle's steered them off the ordinary straight road in life, too. Suddenly it's not all going to plan, and they might both end up hurt or worse as a result. And he's worried that Doyle's not actually with him, because when Doyle's not with him, it just doesn't work, like in CQ...

Of course I had the benefit of reading the un-chopped version, because I went straight to my paper zines - I was so confused when I started reading the A03 version instead, because I couldn't see the proper reason for Bodie to be so taut. Okay, he'd nearly crashed the car, he was tired, but... and then I realised that whole scene was missing, and it makes such a difference!

And now I'm wondering if the other little missing scene I noticed actually makes a bigger difference too:
"It was a bad case."
"Yeah."
They sat, thinking about what a bad op it had been, and in what ways. Doyle wasn't sure what was preoccupying Bodie, but he was thinking of the smell in the culvert where they found the dying gunman, a monster probably by most people's reckoning, but nevertheless a monster who looked like a man, and who on his dying breath had said to them, "Tell Lily-"
Monday, November 21
They might never know who Lily was...

In the AO3 chopped version we don't know who Lily was either, we don't know that her name was the last breath on a dying man's lips, and made them both think about love with the poignancy of the man was a monster rather than just the slightly derrogatory feel of as if it was a tearful drama that housewives watched.

[jat-sapphire.livejournal.com]

That's a good point about the narrative's mysogyny. That's not something I see in Doyle in the show. I guess as I read, I chalked it up to the nasty experience they've been having of the op.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

So glad you were able to come join in the fun! I love the way you approach stories and think about them - you have such good things to say! I wish we could fix that character-limit problem, it always trips me too, and I know will trip me up in responding to you...!

she generally writes B/D romance as based in real life, rather than life as based in B/D romance. So the lads aren't slushy and the grimmer things in life aren't just glanced over as if they don't affect them. Us.
Amen to this. Yes.

I felt that I was more in an American diner than I was a transport caf over here
I was wondering about that - I confess I have never been in a roadside establishment in Britain before! I've experienced a wide variety in North America (and in SE Asia) but never in the UK. It didn't distract me from the story, though. For some reason, I even went as far afield as layering that painting S2K was talking about the other day - Hopper's Nighthawks - over it... And that is about as far from the described cafe as you can get! Just something about the stark lonliness, someplace left behind. {edited to add, I had to go off and see what I could find out about transport cafes! and there's a lot! But the ones I saw were the kind that are beloved like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nh8cnOqtlps), not the left behind ones..)

the women in the story
Interesting point, you're right. There was also the housewives watching dramas... I think I took it similarly to Jat Sapphire and blamed the nasty op. It reminds me of S2K's comment about the people in the cafe being "no-hopers." Come to think of it, was anyone portrayed in a positive light, male or female? Off the bat, none come to mind! General distaste for humanity? But women in particular.

[fajrdrako.livejournal.com]

I have gone over the story, poked at a few words here and there, and I think it's complete as it stands. So it's up on A03, corrected, at https://archiveofourown.org/works/827833.

Thank you so much for letting me know about this conversation, and giving me the chance to look at the story again. Ahh, Bodie. Ahh, Doyle.

[paris7am.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I am so glad! It feels really good to have it up and complete! I think you already are aware of my love for your writing, but thank you again for this absolute gem of a story. <3