Random Circuit Challenge - Just an Illusion by Doylebaby

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Just an Illusion
by Doylebaby

A wee short one this - but in fact it could have been about ten, or even twenty times as long, because to me it was really the summary of a story rather than the story itself. Okay, that depends on what you want from a story, but for me, rather than "While he had been in a pub waiting for his contact, a fight had developed" I want something more like "The pub was packed, the air blue with smoke and curses, the barstaff suspicious and short-tempered, and..." You know? I want to be able to imagine everything that's happening in a story, see a picture that's been painted...

So I guess I'd say this one was another case of good idea - but I want more from the execution!

Comments

[macklingirl.livejournal.com]

Yes, I know what you mean. It seems as if it is the first story she ever wrote. Or like stage directions for the actors of a play.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

Stage directions is a good description! There just needs to be more of it!

[jat-sapphire.livejournal.com]

Those are often the kind of mixed feelings I have! Or else, "Where's the rest of this story?" when it isn't resolved.

[jat-sapphire.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah. That should be 2-3 times as long, and have a resolution.