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ci5hqFirstly I like to apologise for being a bit late, My internet was playing up and then when I came to post, LJ had forced me to use the new layout for the posting of new entries, which I had no idea how to use.
Title: Stolen Soul
Title: Stolen Soul
Author: LilyK
Pairing: B/D
Link to Story: Stolen Soul
Stolen Soul opens with Doyle meeting a strange but beautiful woman after having been throw by his horse while out riding. Doyle is drawn to her beauty and finds he is captivated by her.
His entire body revelled in her closeness and in just moments, he knew he was in love. A small whisper of logic questioned this sudden desire, but when he tried to think more about it, his thought processes became muddled and painful. With a shrug, he ceased his struggle and immediately, the world righted itself. It was only fitting that she was here. He belonged to her. He would die for her.
We told he calls his horse Billy, after a while and even before Doyle explains to this mysterious woman, I already knew what he was going to say. I love this part because it made me giggle.
"He's as obstinate and cantankerous as another William I know. So he's Billy...
The next scene begins with a very angry Bodie demanding to know what has happened to Doyle as we soon find out that not only has Doyle resigned from CI5, but also turned in his flat keys as well. I find it amusing that Bodie accuses Cowley of doing something to Doyle to make him resign, simply because in my mind I can see why Bodie would think this. There's also a great bit where Bodie remembers Doyle had gone riding as it was his day off...
What the fuck had happened? Just yesterday, they were fine. Good friends, partners, sharing a lager, throwing darts. Today was their day off. Doyle was going riding, a sport Bodie avoided at all costs. Nasty buggers, horses. If he was going to ride anything, it'd be Doy- some willing bird.
The dialogue in this whole scene is pretty spot on. Both Cowley and Bodie are concerned for Doyle's well being and while Cowley reckons it's something to with drugs because of the way he was acting when he had come to resign, Bodie knows it couldn't be. Doyle was on the Drugs Squad, so he would have seen the effects of it first hand and know to avoid it. Bodie states that he will go find "The Mad Bastard and knock some sense into him." prompting Cowley's response of "Take care that it isn't your final act, Bodie. Training new agents is expensive."
Bodie then has the task of remembering where Doyle was going to be today and to try and find him. Bodie runs through what had happened between yesterday and today and remembers Doyle told him his plans for the day were to go riding.
Bodie ran through possible locations where his headstrong partner could be. As he mulled over ideas, he couldn't help but wonder what the devil had happened between yesterday and today. They'd parted company after a few pints around 10 pm the night before. Cowley's phone call ordering Bodie into his presence came at 3 pm. Doyle had told Bodie he had plans for his day off, which included riding that cantankerous nag he called Billy, much to Bodie's disgust.
Bodie decides that Doyle will most likely be at the Stables where he keeps his horse as he no longer has the keys to his flat. When Bodie gets there, he gets the distinct feeling that some is very wrong here and is cautious as he enters. The description of how strange the place seems here is pretty good and it builds a nice bit of tension I think. Suddenly Bodie hears something behind him, He raises his gun but does not shoot as he realises it is Doyle. He backs away from Doyle and trips over something falling back, thus finding himself pinned under the tines of a pitchfork being held tightly by Doyle.
"I'll kill you!" Doyle snarled, pushing the pitchfork against Bodie's chest. One of his feet pressed against Bodie's right ankle, keeping him in place. Bodie's gun, proof of his partner's duplicity, lay several feet away, gleaming dully in the straw on the stable floor.
Bodie is confused and frightened by Doyle's sudden anger and aggression. No amount of Bodie shouting or pleading with Doyle seems to make Doyle realise what is he is doing. A voice from the shadows seems to be urging Doyle on, no matter what Bodie says, Doyle won't listen.
"He's lying, Doyle Ray. Go on. Do what you must. He's not a nice man, is he? He takes your women and your tea. He's never remembered your birthday."
Doyle's thoughts at this point are only of the Woman and how he'll be with her and make her happy. Bodie uses Doyle's moment of distraction to free himself. It is now that Bodie finally sees who it is Doyle has been talking to all this time.
It floated. No other word for it, Bodie mused. What the hell was it? A face became clear; female, very old, with shrivelled skin that hung in folds along the cheeks, eyes sunken, dark in colour with bright red rims and a mouth that was thin with white lips. The figure's body was almost invisible, reed thin, hunched over, with gnarled hands. A ghost, was Bodie's first thought, but even that thought made him dance away from the very idea.
Bodie is disgusted by what this thing has turned his formidable partner into. He grows angry and decides that he needs to get rid of it and free Doyle from it's grasp. Bodie pleads with Doyle, telling him this thing isn't real, but when Doyle still won't listen, he tries to think of other ways. In his frustration he slaps Doyle, trying knock some sense into him which leads to them fighting each other.
Doyle hit him again. Bodie defended himself, and they were soon fighting in earnest. Punches were thrown, connecting with soft flesh and hard bone. They scrabbled on the wooden floor of the stables, rolling across it, one way then the other. Doyle had the upper hand and hit Bodie hard on the jaw. Bodie shouted in pain, smashing his fist into the side of Doyle’s head. Doyle flew sideways to land in a heap. Not taking a chance that Doyle would start up again, Bodie launched himself on his partner. He pinned Doyle's hands down at the wrists and sat heavily on Doyle’s thighs.
The ghostly figure reappears and reaches out to Doyle. Bodie declares that Doyle is His and that he belongs to him. The ghost stops and Bodie finally figures out how to stop this creature from having control over Doyle.
Bodie's eyes narrowed at he glared at the revenant. "Ray Doyle is mine," he said very clearly. "I love him. Go away." Then he leaned down and kissed Doyle. Doyle's lips were dry and chapped and the kiss wasn't at all romantic or sweet but the moment their mouths touched, Doyle fell still. Bodie didn't press the kiss further, merely rested his lips against his friend’s. The very thought of forcing more on Doyle made his stomach lurch.
Doyle's responds to Bodie's kiss and soon the two are completely lost in the moment. The ghost, no longer able to control Doyle, is defeated and fades away and the area around them returns to normal. Bodie comforts Doyle and tells him it'll be alright and the dialogue here is very loving, but also witty. Doyle's line "You great clown, I do remember. I just didn't expect you to kiss me to save me." is one my favourite lines here. Our lads head home together at the end and all is right with the world. :)
So what were you thoughts on the story? Did you like it or dislike it? What did you think of the dialogue, did it sound like it worked to you? :)
His entire body revelled in her closeness and in just moments, he knew he was in love. A small whisper of logic questioned this sudden desire, but when he tried to think more about it, his thought processes became muddled and painful. With a shrug, he ceased his struggle and immediately, the world righted itself. It was only fitting that she was here. He belonged to her. He would die for her.
We told he calls his horse Billy, after a while and even before Doyle explains to this mysterious woman, I already knew what he was going to say. I love this part because it made me giggle.
"He's as obstinate and cantankerous as another William I know. So he's Billy...
The next scene begins with a very angry Bodie demanding to know what has happened to Doyle as we soon find out that not only has Doyle resigned from CI5, but also turned in his flat keys as well. I find it amusing that Bodie accuses Cowley of doing something to Doyle to make him resign, simply because in my mind I can see why Bodie would think this. There's also a great bit where Bodie remembers Doyle had gone riding as it was his day off...
What the fuck had happened? Just yesterday, they were fine. Good friends, partners, sharing a lager, throwing darts. Today was their day off. Doyle was going riding, a sport Bodie avoided at all costs. Nasty buggers, horses. If he was going to ride anything, it'd be Doy- some willing bird.
The dialogue in this whole scene is pretty spot on. Both Cowley and Bodie are concerned for Doyle's well being and while Cowley reckons it's something to with drugs because of the way he was acting when he had come to resign, Bodie knows it couldn't be. Doyle was on the Drugs Squad, so he would have seen the effects of it first hand and know to avoid it. Bodie states that he will go find "The Mad Bastard and knock some sense into him." prompting Cowley's response of "Take care that it isn't your final act, Bodie. Training new agents is expensive."
Bodie then has the task of remembering where Doyle was going to be today and to try and find him. Bodie runs through what had happened between yesterday and today and remembers Doyle told him his plans for the day were to go riding.
Bodie ran through possible locations where his headstrong partner could be. As he mulled over ideas, he couldn't help but wonder what the devil had happened between yesterday and today. They'd parted company after a few pints around 10 pm the night before. Cowley's phone call ordering Bodie into his presence came at 3 pm. Doyle had told Bodie he had plans for his day off, which included riding that cantankerous nag he called Billy, much to Bodie's disgust.
Bodie decides that Doyle will most likely be at the Stables where he keeps his horse as he no longer has the keys to his flat. When Bodie gets there, he gets the distinct feeling that some is very wrong here and is cautious as he enters. The description of how strange the place seems here is pretty good and it builds a nice bit of tension I think. Suddenly Bodie hears something behind him, He raises his gun but does not shoot as he realises it is Doyle. He backs away from Doyle and trips over something falling back, thus finding himself pinned under the tines of a pitchfork being held tightly by Doyle.
"I'll kill you!" Doyle snarled, pushing the pitchfork against Bodie's chest. One of his feet pressed against Bodie's right ankle, keeping him in place. Bodie's gun, proof of his partner's duplicity, lay several feet away, gleaming dully in the straw on the stable floor.
Bodie is confused and frightened by Doyle's sudden anger and aggression. No amount of Bodie shouting or pleading with Doyle seems to make Doyle realise what is he is doing. A voice from the shadows seems to be urging Doyle on, no matter what Bodie says, Doyle won't listen.
"He's lying, Doyle Ray. Go on. Do what you must. He's not a nice man, is he? He takes your women and your tea. He's never remembered your birthday."
Doyle's thoughts at this point are only of the Woman and how he'll be with her and make her happy. Bodie uses Doyle's moment of distraction to free himself. It is now that Bodie finally sees who it is Doyle has been talking to all this time.
It floated. No other word for it, Bodie mused. What the hell was it? A face became clear; female, very old, with shrivelled skin that hung in folds along the cheeks, eyes sunken, dark in colour with bright red rims and a mouth that was thin with white lips. The figure's body was almost invisible, reed thin, hunched over, with gnarled hands. A ghost, was Bodie's first thought, but even that thought made him dance away from the very idea.
Bodie is disgusted by what this thing has turned his formidable partner into. He grows angry and decides that he needs to get rid of it and free Doyle from it's grasp. Bodie pleads with Doyle, telling him this thing isn't real, but when Doyle still won't listen, he tries to think of other ways. In his frustration he slaps Doyle, trying knock some sense into him which leads to them fighting each other.
Doyle hit him again. Bodie defended himself, and they were soon fighting in earnest. Punches were thrown, connecting with soft flesh and hard bone. They scrabbled on the wooden floor of the stables, rolling across it, one way then the other. Doyle had the upper hand and hit Bodie hard on the jaw. Bodie shouted in pain, smashing his fist into the side of Doyle’s head. Doyle flew sideways to land in a heap. Not taking a chance that Doyle would start up again, Bodie launched himself on his partner. He pinned Doyle's hands down at the wrists and sat heavily on Doyle’s thighs.
The ghostly figure reappears and reaches out to Doyle. Bodie declares that Doyle is His and that he belongs to him. The ghost stops and Bodie finally figures out how to stop this creature from having control over Doyle.
Bodie's eyes narrowed at he glared at the revenant. "Ray Doyle is mine," he said very clearly. "I love him. Go away." Then he leaned down and kissed Doyle. Doyle's lips were dry and chapped and the kiss wasn't at all romantic or sweet but the moment their mouths touched, Doyle fell still. Bodie didn't press the kiss further, merely rested his lips against his friend’s. The very thought of forcing more on Doyle made his stomach lurch.
Doyle's responds to Bodie's kiss and soon the two are completely lost in the moment. The ghost, no longer able to control Doyle, is defeated and fades away and the area around them returns to normal. Bodie comforts Doyle and tells him it'll be alright and the dialogue here is very loving, but also witty. Doyle's line "You great clown, I do remember. I just didn't expect you to kiss me to save me." is one my favourite lines here. Our lads head home together at the end and all is right with the world. :)
So what were you thoughts on the story? Did you like it or dislike it? What did you think of the dialogue, did it sound like it worked to you? :)
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Date: 2013-02-21 10:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 11:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-22 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-21 11:09 pm (UTC)The supernatural element works well here, maybe because the real life setting is so concrete and credible.
Saving Ray with a kiss - awww, so romantic!
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Date: 2013-02-22 12:20 am (UTC)Saving Ray with a kiss - awww, so romantic! Indeed, So very romantic! I love that about this story. :)
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Date: 2013-02-22 03:04 am (UTC)I think there are some really good bits to the story. I like the concept; it's pretty rich stuff. And I love most of what LilyK writes. But the story felt too rushed to me - like things should have spooled out a little more slowly, or the story itself should have been longer, to build up the emotions (and horror) more.
Also, two things about the characterization: overall B&D sound right on target characterization-wise , but I would think they'd be a bit freaked immediately after the incident. (Though once they were past that, I could see the ending happening as written.) And I'm not sure if Cowley would've just accepted that Doyle had suddenly resigned and was using drugs. After all, it would point to a huge amount of misjudgment on his part - and agents *are* expensive to train. :-)
As much as I enjoy her writing, I guess this one doesn't quite work for me. Or I need to read it again.
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Date: 2013-02-22 10:01 am (UTC)We definitely needed a better build up of tension/horror in order to feel it, too - and closer involvement with the characters, I think. Or at least simply being told that something's frightening doesn't work for me, I need to feel it, to be convinced that it might exist...
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Date: 2013-02-24 08:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-22 09:51 am (UTC)I'm afraid this story didn't grab me almost immediately - which sounds odd, but is the best way I can think of to describe it. We're immediately set at a distance from Doyle, somehow, we're not with him, we're not him, we're being told what happened to him, and so I don't feel involved in what's going on (which is what I prefer from a story) - I'm watching it from a distance. This continues throughout - though at times we seem to be sinking into it, there'll be a twist of perspective that suddenly throws me away again.
I'm not 100% convinced by the dialogue - Doyle is supposed to be acting out of character, I know, but Bodie's "in God's name" doesn't ring true, or the repeated "what the devil" (did we ever hear him say things like that in the eps?) It seems too religion-focussed for Bodie. I can't see Cowley telling Bodie off for "tossing back" his whisky either - they do it all the time in the show. And of course there's the odd twist of American phrasing, and not-quite-right twist of UK phrasing (I can't imagine any bloke of Doyle's background/class/usual language describing himself as "chuffed" about having had sex with someone, for instance - I'm not saying he'd never use the word, but in that context?)
Velvet didn't scare me at all - we didn't know enough about her, so that she was simply some incorporeal rather stereotypical "evil". Somehow her hold over Doyle is so strong that she can make him sob and plead and beg, even in front of Bodie - okay, it's supposed t show her power, but in doing so the author has taken away any reason I care what happens to Doyle in the story. He's too pathetic, let her have him - that's not my Doyle... On the other hand, her hold isn't strong enough to fight off Bodie in any way at all, she just hangs around and lets Bodie get on with it.
And then Bodie saves Doyle by kissing him and saying he loves him and making him come - and with a conveniently-remembered love spell from his gran. All a bit too pat for me, especially the sex-in-the-face-of-scary-danger - okay, there's a trope that sex makes some men hard, but Bodie's not just confronted by a ghost/spirit/evil that he's been physically scared by as he searched the barn, he's scared for Doyle's life - would he really still be overcome by the throes of passion whilst the evil ghost is still hovering over them? There's no indication that she has the power to sink everyone into a morass of sexual feelings, which might have made it more believable.
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Date: 2013-02-22 09:51 am (UTC)All of which goes to show that what clearly floats the boats of many readers, doesn't do it for everyone, which is to be expected... *g* I guess this will all feed into the characterisation discussion I keep threatening to throw at people too - how far can the lads be stretched before they lose their essential Bodie-and-Doyleness? What do they need to retain, in order to be "themselves"? And how many different views of themselves are there, from the actual episodes? I see them in the eps as both emotionally strong men, who've been brought up in post-war British culture, and portray themselves to others as "hard" men. They both show emotion at times, but in ways that fit with that background, not in the way that someone in a soap opera or Mills and Boon novel would do so, which means rarely overtly. And now I'm getting further into the characterisation discussion, so perhaps I should go and post that! But yeah - that's how I see the lads, and my preference is for stories in which I'm immersed in the happenings, emotions and feelings of what is going on, neither of which was met with this particular story, I'm afraid!
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Date: 2013-02-22 11:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-22 12:31 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2013-02-24 09:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-02-22 03:06 pm (UTC)The basic principle didn't work for me, mostly because it all happened too quickly. I would have found it easier to suspend disbelief *g* if this had stretched out over weeks, but the meet-one-day-resign-the-next didn't sit well with me. I think this is because I don't believe Cowley would have just let Doyle walk out after resigning from one day to the next, with nothing obviously prompting the big change that Cowley notices.
Within this speed-dating framework, neither Doyle nor Bodie acts convincingly for me, although as
There were bits I loved, and you've quoted many of them in your review. I think my absolute favourite is "If he was going to ride anything, it'd be Doy- some willing bird." This made me giggle - always a bonus *g*
I think I suffered more because I really struggle with AUs, which is a bit odd because I love SF and fantasy fic. I obviously have a very narrow view of Pros *g* and to me, this wasn't really Pros. Thinking further about it, if I were to replace the names Bodie, Doyle and Cowley with Smith, Jones and Bloggs, I'd be perfectly happy!