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unoriginal_liz's Reading Room post today, because I have an addendum to last week's review!
I belatedly realised that Brenda Antrim was still active on lj, and so I wrote to her asking about Out of Faith. She wrote back, telling me what she remembered of writing it, which was lovely of her, and very interesting! Of course then I thought it'd be nice if everyone could hear her thoughts, and she just last night replied to my request about re-posting them - with a please feel free. She's not currently as active in fandom and writing and discussions as she'd like to be, so I don't think she'll come over to discuss things with us, but she sounded pleased that we were talking about her story all these years later.
So - with apologies to Unoriginal_liz for briefly butting into her Reading Room day...
Brenda Antrim's thoughts on Out of Faith
"Out of Faith was an anomaly for me. I hate death stories, hate sad endings, don't like reading tragedy, and hate stories based on song lyrics. One would think I would never write something that fit all those categories! But one afternoon I was listening to Natalie Imbruglia's then-new CD, and heard Torn. I hit replay and sat, as the room slowly got dark, for most of a rainy afternoon, listening to it over and over (I'm occasionally obsessive like that). At the time, I was writing in Sentinel and Pros, and for some reason, I couldn't get the image of Doyle and Bodie out of my head as I listened to the lyrics.
So I wrote Out of Faith. I edited it, proofread it, posted it, and never read it again, because it was too depressing for me to read. (yes, I'm laughing at myself, but it's still true)
At that same time, I finished a Sentinel story called Polarity. I posted Out of Faith to my Pros ficlist, with what I thought were appropriate warnings, then posted Polarity to my Sentinel ficlist, also with what I thought were appropriate warnings. Both lists had minor convulsions; Pros because I had underwarned (apparently, they thought the warning for 'Major Character Death' was for the OC I'd killed off early, instead of an actual major character) and Sentinel because I'd overwarned (Blair was an underaged prostitute). I was bemused by it all, because I thought it would be the other way around, if anything.
Out of Faith, itself, was a tone piece, an unusual one for me, but still, simply an urge to write a specific scene (in this case, the one where Bodie turns away from Doyle in the bath). The rest of the story was to explain that one scene, and I could see no way for the characters, in that set-up, to recover. Bodie and Doyle, Doyle and Bodie, the mobile ghetto, had only one another to lean on, and if that was taken away, they would both fall.
It wasn't written in response to what was going on in fandom at the time, because I have seldom written in response to fannish opinion or discussion. I can't write that way. My brain is fired up by images, usually primed by something in an episode, by events in the news that fit characters I like, by the way an actor inhabits a character, or (in this case) by a particularly haunting song that opens up possibilities I otherwise would never consider. It was written because I had to get it out of my head, then posted on my Pros ficlist because it was finished, and it was part of my contribution to list life - at the time (and now) my stories go first to my own archive, then to whatever fan list / LJ / archive would like them.
It also wasn't meant to be a realism piece (that would be something like Adversaries). If anything, it was more fantasy than most, because I actually couldn't see the partners breaking like that. But the scene wanted to be written, and the story wouldn't leave me alone, so there it was.
People write for all sorts of reasons. I usually write not to exorcise demons, nor make points about society, nor engage in fannish debate, but because there's a scene my mind sees that no one else has written yet, and I have to write it or it will gnaw my brain to distraction. Stories then grow around those pesky scenes until they're finished and I can put them away and go on to the next scene/story.
I seldom read extensively in fandoms I'm writing, because if I'm reading it, I'm not writing it, so I can't remember a time when anything I've written was a reflection or rejection of other stories. Some themes may mirror others, but I think that has more to do with common perceptions about characters among fan writers than stories influencing one another.
From what I can recall, there was a strong reaction to Out of Faith when I posted it. Some people acted like I'd somehow tricked them into reading it (the above-mentioned 'under'-rating - I think my response was along the lines of 'please tell me you're kidding'). Others were surprised at the aspects I never write (death, song lyrics implied, generally bleak, as you mention). I didn't pay much attention to the discussion because, honestly, for me, the story was over, and I was on to the next story idea. I was a little surprised at some of the intensity of the response, but not that it had gotten a reaction; it was out of character for my writing, so I expected some confusion. Heck, it confused me."
Interesting, isn't it - all the reasons people write, and the things we see in stories, and... *g*
And for anyone who'd like to read more Brenda Antrim, here's her own website, Castle's Keep.
If you ever see this - thank you, Brenda!
unoriginal_liz's Reading Room post today, because I have an addendum to last week's review!I belatedly realised that Brenda Antrim was still active on lj, and so I wrote to her asking about Out of Faith. She wrote back, telling me what she remembered of writing it, which was lovely of her, and very interesting! Of course then I thought it'd be nice if everyone could hear her thoughts, and she just last night replied to my request about re-posting them - with a please feel free. She's not currently as active in fandom and writing and discussions as she'd like to be, so I don't think she'll come over to discuss things with us, but she sounded pleased that we were talking about her story all these years later.
So - with apologies to Unoriginal_liz for briefly butting into her Reading Room day...
Brenda Antrim's thoughts on Out of Faith
"Out of Faith was an anomaly for me. I hate death stories, hate sad endings, don't like reading tragedy, and hate stories based on song lyrics. One would think I would never write something that fit all those categories! But one afternoon I was listening to Natalie Imbruglia's then-new CD, and heard Torn. I hit replay and sat, as the room slowly got dark, for most of a rainy afternoon, listening to it over and over (I'm occasionally obsessive like that). At the time, I was writing in Sentinel and Pros, and for some reason, I couldn't get the image of Doyle and Bodie out of my head as I listened to the lyrics.
So I wrote Out of Faith. I edited it, proofread it, posted it, and never read it again, because it was too depressing for me to read. (yes, I'm laughing at myself, but it's still true)
At that same time, I finished a Sentinel story called Polarity. I posted Out of Faith to my Pros ficlist, with what I thought were appropriate warnings, then posted Polarity to my Sentinel ficlist, also with what I thought were appropriate warnings. Both lists had minor convulsions; Pros because I had underwarned (apparently, they thought the warning for 'Major Character Death' was for the OC I'd killed off early, instead of an actual major character) and Sentinel because I'd overwarned (Blair was an underaged prostitute). I was bemused by it all, because I thought it would be the other way around, if anything.
Out of Faith, itself, was a tone piece, an unusual one for me, but still, simply an urge to write a specific scene (in this case, the one where Bodie turns away from Doyle in the bath). The rest of the story was to explain that one scene, and I could see no way for the characters, in that set-up, to recover. Bodie and Doyle, Doyle and Bodie, the mobile ghetto, had only one another to lean on, and if that was taken away, they would both fall.
It wasn't written in response to what was going on in fandom at the time, because I have seldom written in response to fannish opinion or discussion. I can't write that way. My brain is fired up by images, usually primed by something in an episode, by events in the news that fit characters I like, by the way an actor inhabits a character, or (in this case) by a particularly haunting song that opens up possibilities I otherwise would never consider. It was written because I had to get it out of my head, then posted on my Pros ficlist because it was finished, and it was part of my contribution to list life - at the time (and now) my stories go first to my own archive, then to whatever fan list / LJ / archive would like them.
It also wasn't meant to be a realism piece (that would be something like Adversaries). If anything, it was more fantasy than most, because I actually couldn't see the partners breaking like that. But the scene wanted to be written, and the story wouldn't leave me alone, so there it was.
People write for all sorts of reasons. I usually write not to exorcise demons, nor make points about society, nor engage in fannish debate, but because there's a scene my mind sees that no one else has written yet, and I have to write it or it will gnaw my brain to distraction. Stories then grow around those pesky scenes until they're finished and I can put them away and go on to the next scene/story.
I seldom read extensively in fandoms I'm writing, because if I'm reading it, I'm not writing it, so I can't remember a time when anything I've written was a reflection or rejection of other stories. Some themes may mirror others, but I think that has more to do with common perceptions about characters among fan writers than stories influencing one another.
From what I can recall, there was a strong reaction to Out of Faith when I posted it. Some people acted like I'd somehow tricked them into reading it (the above-mentioned 'under'-rating - I think my response was along the lines of 'please tell me you're kidding'). Others were surprised at the aspects I never write (death, song lyrics implied, generally bleak, as you mention). I didn't pay much attention to the discussion because, honestly, for me, the story was over, and I was on to the next story idea. I was a little surprised at some of the intensity of the response, but not that it had gotten a reaction; it was out of character for my writing, so I expected some confusion. Heck, it confused me."
Interesting, isn't it - all the reasons people write, and the things we see in stories, and... *g*
And for anyone who'd like to read more Brenda Antrim, here's her own website, Castle's Keep.
If you ever see this - thank you, Brenda!
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 07:59 am (UTC)Thanks so much for asking her and it´s awfully nice that she let you post it!
Very interesting to know the thoughts from the writer, especially for this story!
I still think it´s a great story, and knowing the background makes it even better.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 09:14 am (UTC)Please pass on our gratitude for the 'interview'!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 09:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 10:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 11:12 am (UTC)(Sorry, can't remember if I mentioned this before) One of my favourites of hers is 'Remember' but this also has its grey areas, for me (if you know it, I'm referring to Doyle suddenly speaking Gaelic). Brenda's explanation of her writing process helps it make more sense.
It's always nice to know more!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 01:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 07:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 08:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-29 10:05 pm (UTC)