Unfinished Melody by Jane - Comments (possible spoilers)

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

(Not on line, btw. Zine only, OOP)

My first long Jane fic.

Not Pros at all. A touch of Bodie, no Doyle.

Interesting, but very, very narrative. Meaning not much dialogue, mainly long paragraphs telling me what's going on, and who's doing what and going where.

Liked the first third a lot, as Bodie meets Doyle. Loved the idea of Doyle's profession (occult).

Was slow in spots, but I liked the descriptions of London, Paris, and the other locales (of which there were quite a few). Those parts made the story visual for me, so it worked. I did get the feeling the author enjoyed showing her knowledge of the settings. Don't have a clue how accurate they are, but I didn't care when I was reading since it was interesting enough.

Liked many of the secondary characters, and I liked the vampyre aspect anyway since it's one of my things. I would have liked more lively vampyres! It was very "soft"... How do I explain that? The characters were generally shadows of themselves? Bodie was the most vivid character, with the most "life" (given that the others were the undead!).

Overall, 6 out of 10. :) I wouldn't read it again but I did enjoy it. I finished it which says a lot for me because I couldn't finish the last two zines I started. :)

Comments

[moonlightmead.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for this. I have recently read a couple of longer stories in zines and wondered about whether it was worth commenting on them. I found this interesting and useful, so perhaps I shall.

Much as I (occasionally) like occulty witchcraft supernatural stuff, I cannot square it with Pros, even really in AU. I've read a couple of Doyle as wiccan, or Doyle the follower of the Old Ways. Mmm. No. I blame Robin of Sherwood.

I have just finished a different Jane story last night, and the title has gone out of my head entirely, argh. But your description of long paragraphs explaining what's going on with less dialogue is spot-on. They're very good long paragraphs, but it's a noticeable characteristic in the writing. In whichever story that was, anyway - argh!

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

*jumps in* It's always worth commenting on longer stories in zines... or shorter stories on ProsLib, or... *g*

I'm not convinced that any of the occulty witchcraft supernatural stuff you've read so far in Pros is any of the good stuff, from what you've said... *g* Doyle as a wiccan or a follower of the Old Ways or whatever sounds like bad characterisation to me, and bad characterisation slides quickly into bad Prosfic, so...? *g*

That said, I'm trying to figure out why Legacy of Temptation works for me - have you read that yet? I think the characterisation fits well, excepting perhaps a slightly over-wise Bodie compared to a slightly too-innocent Doyle, but I can stretch a little within a fic... Bodie's a computer engineer (hmmn - attention to technical detail, as he shows in the eps?) but has been a merc (I think) in Africa where he came across the supernatural. Doyle's a writer (hmmn - because he looks deeply into things?! I'm never quite sure where that comes from, but it often works for me!) whose house is haunted. Someone tells him Bodie might be able to help him, and so the story begins. In alot of ways it doesn't seem like it should be them, but I'm happy to buy it as them. Perhaps because their belief systems and therefore actions are consistent with them in the eps? What makes us us, anyway...

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Love Legacy of Temptation. I've read it at least twice. I said above, I like supernatural and there are some good ones in Pros, both AUs and CI5 stories. I think Sineala's Special Men, which is of all things, a Harry Potter fusion, is amazing.

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Thanks for stopping in. Do post your comments. I'm always interested. Generally, I haven't spent much time reading this author mainly because when I read the plot descriptions, I'm usually not interested. But I borrowed five or six zines from a sweet friend, and I picked ones that aren't on line so I could read fic that I might not otherwise have a chance to read.

I actually love supernatural Pros stories. There are some smashing ones. I see BSL mentions Legacy of Temptation, one of my all time favs. I admit I have bowed down to Ellis Ward at a con so I'm pretty biased about her works. LOL!

Also I adore All The Queen's Men. (Both of these are at The Circuit.) Victoria drags me into the story and I'm happy to be there.

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

It's been aaaages since I read Unfinished Melody, but I bought it and read it on the strong recommendation of someone and I've got to say that I was really disappointed in it after that.

My biggest squick with it was the way she portrayed Doyle - despite being the vampire of all vampires, and strong and powerful and fast and all, I seem to remember him fainting at the slightest thing, and swooning and weeping guiltily all over the place too. Bodie seemed to do an awful lot of carrying him around in his arms...

I did get the feeling the author enjoyed showing her knowledge of the settings.
I don't especially remember this when reading it, but I've noticed it alot in other Jane fics, so don't doubt you at all! I tend to think it doesn't do the author much good (whoever it is), because the reader's being pulled out of the story to admire how clever the writer is, and that means you're not enjoying the story any more, and then... well. *g* I always think people are far cleverer if they're not continually letting me know how clever they are...

I love AUs and I don't at all mind vampire fics (well, good vampire fics... *g*), but... but they've got to match the lads, and I don't at all remembering thinking that this did...

telling me what's going on
Ah, maybe that was part of it - the old thing about showing readers, not telling them... *g*

[painted-horse.livejournal.com]

"My biggest squick with it was the way she portrayed Doyle - despite being the vampire of all vampires, and strong and powerful and fast and all, I seem to remember him fainting at the slightest thing, and swooning and weeping guiltily all over the place too. Bodie seemed to do an awful lot of carrying him around in his arms..."

It seems a long time indeed since you read this fic. I have the zine and read it a few times. For one Doyle isn't the super-vampire, there are other people falling in that category. And the cases when he is weak, well he has good reason to be. I mean being the guinea pig for a demented and spiteful doctor would undermine anybody's spirit, wouldn't it? And I think it's also an understandable fear that a new lover might not be keen on learning that one is a vampire, no?

[byslantedlight.livejournal.com]

My abiding memory is that Doyle, as vampire, was supposed to be stronger than any human - and in fact a quick flick through my copy finds this:
"My bones are dense," Doyle said softly, "We become stronger and stronger, and consequently, heavier. I could break you like a fresh carrot."
On the next page Bodie describes the advantages of being a vampire:
"To live forever, be immune to illness and very strong, freed from the tyranny of my stomach?"
So no, perhaps my memory was playing tricks about "vampire of vampires" but my meaning was that in spite of being described as a super-human being, Doyle's behaviour in the story is not that of a strong man (physically or mentally). I personally can't be convinced by a Doyle like that, he's not the Doyle I see in canon whose conscience bothers him now and then but is basically confident (to the point of arrogance sometimes), strong and sure of his place in the world. To convince me, vampire-Doyle would have to display those traits too, and I found them missing in Unfinished Melody.

On the same page, Bodie also describes Doyle thus:
"How could I be afraid of you? You sat there and wept out of loneliness an hour ago, and swore to heaven you hadn't hurt the doe who fed you."
I just can't see Doyle "weeping out of loneliness", or being so sensitive about something as practical as feeding from a deer, especially when he's been doing it for hundreds of years.

Again, when Doyle is hurt in the episodes, we see him struggle to stay on his feet, to fight back - for me a good AU will translate that sort of behaviour to Doyle's reactions in the AU story, and I just didn't feel that Unfinished Melody did that. It may be partly his behaviour beside Bodie's as well - Bodie is portrayed as the wiser, stronger (mentally) man who knows what's best for Doyle because Doyle can't quite be trusted to look after himself.

So whilst I agree that "being the guinea pig for a demented and spiteful doctor would undermine anybody's spirit" and that "a new lover might not be keen on learning that one is a vampire" I just can't see Doyle reacting in the way that he does in the fic - not as Doyle.

Obviously other people's mileage varies, as they say, and not everyone is looking for the same canon characterisation in a story. That's okay too, but I stand by my opinion!

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

This Doyle was very sensitive and quite emotionally fragile. He wasn't physically fragile. He survived several quite awful things so physically he was fairly strong. I actually liked the character in the context of the story. It just wasn't Doyle.

Also in the context of the story, Doyle is one of the changelings, who need to be protected. He's not a vampyre and doesn't possess their abilities. In this world, changelings can't survive alone. I have no problem when somebody creates their own rules in their own world, so I was all right with that.

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Doyle wasn't Doyle, which is why I said no Doyle, a little Bodie. It was definitely 99 percent original fic to me. For me, it worked because I read it as an original story. If I had to give it a rating for a Pros story, even an AU, I'd give it a 2. As an original fic, I was interested enough to finish it.

[kiwisue.livejournal.com]

A Nocturne (http://www.dream-craft.com/melkeegan/fantasy.htm) by any other name? Just wondering.

[sc-fossil.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's it. It works for me as original fic. It doesn't work as Pros. I read it with the mindset that it was original fic and so I was able to finish. If I saw this book in paperback, I'd probably say, sure go ahead and buy it.

As a Pros novel, I'd tell you to save your money.

If I must think of this as a Pros story, then I'd have to say Doyle was so annoying and whiny, I'd have to hate him. As an original character who happened to be named Doyle, he was all right. Even then, I admit he was a little to "fragile" even though he was physically strong. The the author kept telling me how slight, small or willowy he was.