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ci5hqThis story if from the Proslib CD. I apologize for any trouble to get hold of the story. But I hope that everybody was able to read it! And there is still time – I can send it in a minute...
There are some treasures on the CD – and I think that this story is one of them.
(So go and join the Yahoo group and get the CD!)
**
A few days ago, when I reread the story and started with that rec – I had first no idea what to write.
Then it’s AU, well not an entirely other world – Bodie is in CI5 – but Doyle is a photographer.
Then the whole art-scene, with parties and drugs. And most of all there is a lot of insecurity and even pretending between Bodie and Doyle.
Despite all that, despite all the angst in the story, despite that OMC – the story caught me from the beginning, probably because the author was able to build up a good and convincing scenario.
Yes, I think there is so much ‘in’ this story. Here are just a few notes.
A different scenario
Both in CI5 – that’s easy for them. I mean to be friends, or to love each other. It’s that ‘us against the world’ feeling. It’s easy to belong together, when you have the impression that nobody else understands you, that everybody else would disapprove the job – the killing. That you can’t talk to anybody about your feelings and fears. Especially not if you pick up your girls on occasion and just because of the good look... How can such girls understand them?
Here both live in different worlds. And obviously Bodie can’t imagine that Doyle would ever fit to his.
And they have big problems in their partnership!
AIDS
Not often even mentioned in Pros. Although the time was right. I know just one other story where it occurs (Doyle is an activist of a gay group), and only Minerva’s story deals with one of them being infected.
Here it’s no main subject – and I’m glad about it! – but it appears as something two gay men would naturally(?) talk about at that time.
Doyle losing his innocence and happiness being together again with Bodie and leaving Steve.
That is something very unusual for me! That both are obviously not good for each other – because they are not able to break down the walls. Doyle is hurt and Bodie can’t do anything against Doyle just wanting cold-blooded sex.
Doyle is not a nice guy
He is sometimes a quite selfish bastard. He isn’t really interested in Bodie’s work, otherwise he would have asked more. He is happy that he can talk about HIS daily life that is obviously so much more interesting than Bodie’s…
Then there is the way he thinks about CI5, after he finds out. Typical for the scene he lives in.
He takes drugs(occasionally) and he even was a drug dealer as a kid.
War
That’s a very intense scene after the events in the Chilean Embassy. Doyle isn’t the selfish bastard! He really cares.
And Bodie is exhausted but anyway he first doesn’t dare to break his walls – but when he does he is very violent.
Doyle is his valve.
Coming back to senses he realises that he endangers Doyle - and leaves him again.
Huh! That whole scene is great!
How about Murphy
I’m not sure.
Without Doyle as partner, Bodie would have been probably very close to Murphy.
OR - without Doyle as a partner, Bodie hasn’t open so much to anybody. And it really seems so: “Bodie was not particularly accustomed to warm social contact…” Maybe he is a loner.
But anyway – he must be very upset about the death of Murphy! But again Doyle doesn’t notice that.
Bodie doesn’t dare to speak about his feelings – and Doyle doesn’t care enough... Great!
(I dunno if that makes a relationship between men easier!?)
The end and rape
The very end
To be true – I don’t understand it...
Why “empty years ahead” ?
Who was it?
Would be nice if the author would be still around... How about an outing?
**
That's it from my side.
Hope you did enjoy the story!
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no subject
Date: 2009-09-10 07:29 pm (UTC)And from me - I've not had a chance to re-read yet, but I'm looking forward to it! *g*
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Date: 2009-09-10 07:40 pm (UTC)Sorry!
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Date: 2009-09-10 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-10 08:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-10 08:48 pm (UTC)I have some trouble with "other" characters other than Bodie, Doyle and the guys in CI5, I'm sorry to say... *shakes head* So I kinda half read, half listened to music and half sighed repetedly... when I think about it... I don't know how much I actually read...
AIDS. Not often even mentioned in Pros. Although the time was right. I know just one other story where it occurs (Doyle is an activist of a gay group), and only Minerva’s story deals with one of them being infected. Here it’s no main subject – and I’m glad about it! – but it appears as something two gay men would naturally(?) talk about at that time.
I agree with this and have to say that this part was "good" compaired to other things... like the way this text is written and some dialogue... this text didn't "float" in my oppinion... well, anyway... I think I'm in a bad mood since yesterday and that that has affected my brain... I do apologise if I sound too... bitchy... *hugs*
And the epilogue just twisted my brain... First the good stuff and then "empty years ahead"... just like you said... weird...
Would be nice if the author would be still around... How about an outing?
Why not? *shrug* :)
The text was okay, but I probably won't read it again I'm afraid. *hugs*
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Date: 2009-09-10 08:48 pm (UTC)The rich text one puts in the coding that it thinks you want - so when you click the "cut" button it adds a cut where it thinks you want it, if it's working properly.
If you click on the html one though, you put your own coding in - which is way easier than it sounds (trust me, if I can do it... *g*) So all you do is put in the code/command that tells lj to make a cut before the stuff you want to put under a cut. You type in <*lj-cut text*="Here is my cut"*> (but don't include the asterisks, I just put them there so that you could see the code itself - if I hadn't then the cut would be invisible!) And if you want to make something bold you type <*b>what I want bold Italics are <*i>, underline is <*u>... all without the asterisks in! To end a command you type the same thing, but put a slash in front of it <*/b> to end bold, for example.
Then it doesn't go wrong unless you make a mistake, and it's easy to see your mistakes when you know what you're looking for... It doesn't even take much practice - I got used to it really quickly! I accidentally use html code all the time now - even once when I was handwriting something... *headdesk* Definitely worth a try - saves alot of getting angry with lj! *g*
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Date: 2009-09-10 09:43 pm (UTC)And as I said it's not my kind of fic either - but I like it anyway!
I think I'm in a bad mood since yesterday...
Only since yesterday? Then it's not too bad! ;-)
Thanks you for popping in!
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Date: 2009-09-10 09:51 pm (UTC)It's always annoying if 'something' else thinks to know what I want... ;-)
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Date: 2009-09-10 09:59 pm (UTC)The language impressed me very much, like “the silent, elusive rightness”.
The structure too. I like the way it moves from Ray completely immersed in his glamorous but shallow yuppy life, independent and self-assured, to him leaving that behind, his thoughts and his life progressively centring more and more on Bodie, until Bodie coming to find him is the single most important thing to Doyle as a hostage.
Mmm, good that Aids was mentioned, but I found that scene a bit artificial, it didn't connect well with anything else, it was just there like a public health warning.
Funny that it can be so canon (I mean, lots of references to things that happened in the eps, or could have), while still being AU. There is just that one difference, that Doyle isn't a CI5 agent.
I think your remarks are very perceptive on how this affects the relationship. It seemed to me that Bodie was completely torn between loving Doyle and wanting to keep him out of harm's way, so he kept trying to break it off, then coming back again. It wasn't all that clear, because of Doyle's egocentric point of view, as you pointed out.
I was hoping you might have an explanation for that strange pessimistic ending to Doyle's memoir. Is it that he anticipates that even if they have a relationship, inevitably it will become dull and boring, or unhappy? Or (nasty thought) what if Doyle contracted Aids from being raped? But it sounds as though he is imagining himself in the future living on, without Bodie.
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Date: 2009-09-10 10:27 pm (UTC)All in all, I admit I found the story rather tedious. I didn't like either character and neither sounded like my lads. Generally, for a story to work, I have to "see" and "hear" the characters in my head. I didn't for this story. I ended up skimming to the end. The epilogue was odd, since it was suddenly in first person. It just didn't sound like Doyle at all. He was a bit too whiny in this for me. I think Doyle is tough yet fair, and this Doyle wasn't like that. He was quite egotistical I felt. Bodie was a bit bland.
Some parts were done better than others. The abduction and rape scenes were more interesting, even if I did find the sex with Bodie after a bit rushed without enough time taken to heal after such violence.
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Date: 2009-09-10 10:36 pm (UTC)I liked the way both Bodie and Doyle were quite flawed and not particularly likable, well Doyle anyway, Bodie was rather shadowy because we only had Doyle's POV. It made them right for each other and bad news for anyone else. The only character I couldn't see and hear was Stephen. Although there was lots of description of him, I couldn't relate him to any familiar mental image so he remained sort of nebulous for me, but that was appropriate since he wasn't very significant to Doyle anyway.
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Date: 2009-09-10 10:47 pm (UTC)I read for very different reasons than most other people. I prefer canon characters and I happen to like canon Bodie and Doyle. I'm not interested in reading about characters so different than my lads. Then it's not Pros to me, but an exercise in writing. That's all fine and good, but not what I care to spend time reading. I read original m/m fic so I get my fix for "new" characters there. When I want Pros or S&H, that's only what I want.
Stephen was doomed because he was portrayed as caring and loving. *g* Since Doyle was a horrid man, he had to give him the boot.
I happen to actually prefer single POV stories. I write that way most of the time because I like the discovery through the eyes of the character. It's hard to care about this portrayal of Doyle because I didn't like him. If I don't care about the character, then I lose interest quickly.
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Date: 2009-09-10 11:14 pm (UTC)'I happen to actually prefer single POV stories.' Our anonymous author did 'cheat' , we got a quick look at Bodie's POV - “More than ever, he was aware of the unshatterable glass bubble he lived in. Ray Doyle, with his funny mixture of sass and insecurity, toughness and self-indulgence, was the only person Bodie had ever wanted to allow into his life, the only person he craved to hold tightly in his arms.” But by that time, this hardly needed to be said.
Even Rogers the fictitious CI5 agent's POV slipped in there. Still, how else could we have known what was happening while Doyle was being held.
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Date: 2009-09-10 11:15 pm (UTC)I wasn't able to make cuts until I started using Semagic (http://semagic.sourceforge.net/), it's a small, easy to use, text editor made to use with lj.
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Date: 2009-09-10 11:43 pm (UTC)Yes, I like AUs that convince me that these are the lads I know and love in another life or job or style without sacrificing the canon attributes of the characters. My favourite story in this fandom is an AU.
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Date: 2009-09-11 03:47 am (UTC)"...glamorous but shallow yuppy life, independent and self-assured..."
Good description! Maybe that's the reason for that strange end - maybe Doyle can't believe that he is able to keep his strong feelings for a long time... completely disillusioned...
No - the end IS strange for me!
Maybe there is someone who could explain.
"Funny that it can be so canon..."
Yes, those short moments with Cowley and the other agents just feel 'right' for me.
"Mmm, good that Aids was mentioned, but I found that scene a bit artificial, it didn't connect well with anything else, it was just there like a public health warning.
LOL! I'm very surprised that it doesn't occur more often in fics considering the amount of public health warnings. No, I thought that scene was OK. They talk about it because you can't deny it, but you don't really believe that it would 'hit' you personally.
Anyway, here it's OK, but to be true I'm really happy that AIDS isn't a central theme in Pros fanfic!
Too realistic... Call me a coward!
*glad you like it*
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Date: 2009-09-11 03:57 am (UTC)Uh, uh! I hope you hadn't a too annoying time with it! I stop reading quite quickly if I dislike a story. But obviously you've read it til the end.
I think there is always 'a point' where you say 'I like it' - or not. And you can do nothing about it!
Really! Thank you for trying so long!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-11 04:16 am (UTC)I totally agree!
But here we have the scenario that at one point in Doyle's life he had done another decision.
And for me this story could be the result of it. I can imagine that being a photographer would have an impact on Doyle's personality. Could be that despite his guilt trips, being a CI5 agent is his only satisfying destination...
And without Doyle as his CI5 partner, Bodie would be different too. The loner.
For me they are canon characters - as much as in any other good AU.
"It's hard to care about this portrayal of Doyle because I didn't like him. If I don't care about the character, then I lose interest quickly."
Yes, selfish bastard... But I give him credit because Bodie has left him a year ago, and I take a lot of his acting as self-protection. And after the events at the Chilean Embassy he really cares about Bodie's life.
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Date: 2009-09-11 04:25 am (UTC)Will try your editor! Thank you!
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Date: 2009-09-11 08:17 am (UTC)I thought the story was well-written but it's not really the sort of story that I go for.
I get the feeling the author was going for a mood of 'gritty realism', which I think was achieved pretty well - their relationship came across as believable, being as it was full of wariness, misunderstandings and uncertainty. You feel that their relationship is ultimately intense, but fragile, and that there is no guarantee that they will live happily ever after, hence the ending: Doyle is no idealistic romantic in this universe. He can't see himself finding love with one person for the rest of his life, even with Bodie - he's not that lucky.
Personally I prefer something a little more romantic and escapist (while still keeping the lads in character and not making them too unrealistically girly!)
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Date: 2009-09-11 09:35 am (UTC)Same for me. So I was surprised that I like it.
It’s probably because you feel that they ‘somehow’ love each other and they aren’t mean to each other – or the worst case for me – they don’t betray each other.
”…and that there is no guarantee that they will live happily ever after, hence the ending.”
Yes, that may be the declaration for those strange words at the end...
”…he's not that lucky.
Sigh! But there is room for us to hope for a better ending for them. That they might find their way.
”Personally I prefer something a little more romantic and escapist (while still keeping the lads in character and not making them too unrealistically girly!)”
“Escapist” is good!!! :-) And I prefer romantic too. But every now and then a bit of angst and ‘gritty realism’ is fine.
I think there was just an announcement for Proslib, and the story is spoilered with “death” and “partner betrayal”… I mean - that’s the worst thing I can imagine for a fic. So this story is quite harmless and nice! :-)
Thanks for commenting!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-11 10:55 am (UTC)So that's where the writer loses me in an AU. What works for you doesn't for me. But hey, that gives us more stories to try, the way I look at it.
For any AU in any fandom I read, my criteria works like this: if the names of the characters were removed and replaced with One and Two, could you recognize your boys? If not, then it's not my kind of AU. It's like redoing a Pros story into an original fic that's been cleaned and polished like Larton or Hunted by Devils. I see Bodie and Doyle clearly in Hunted by Devils, but not at all in Larton. I would "know" that Hunted was my lads without being told. To me, that's the perfect AU. And when it works, I'm giddy with delight.
I don't mind reading a story that doesn't really work if it's good writing. This story was written fairly well so that I was able to read large parts and get to the end. I do get a little bored when the same arguments are held time and again. I'm not much for "soap opera" type things, where a topic is beaten to death constantly. I prefer less drama and more (respectful) loving. *g* Thankfully, that one scene that started violently turned loving. If it hadn't that's when I would have run off permanently.
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Date: 2009-09-11 11:45 am (UTC)I can name it quite in detail for the fics I don't like. For example it always throws me out of a story when Doyle is described as (female)beautiful, or when they weep a lot...
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Date: 2009-09-11 12:10 pm (UTC)thanx for understanding~ *hugs*
*goes to lay down and sleep* Zzz
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Date: 2009-09-11 02:19 pm (UTC)Actually, there are a number of -- not a vast number, but several -- really early stories that deal with the threat of AIDS. In fact, in three or more stories, Bodie dies of AIDS. ACT UP is the only one I can think of where Doyle is infected.
I'm hoping to read this over the weekend and comment then. Thanks for a rec of a story I haven't read!
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Date: 2009-09-11 03:20 pm (UTC)But excuse me if I don't ask for the titles of those 'three or more' stories... ;-)
Enjoy Gravity's Angel!
Bagels as a snack food?!
Date: 2009-09-12 03:53 pm (UTC)Well, to be honest, this was better than I expected. There's a real effort at a character ARC (Doyle's) and to establish scene and setting. And I always appreciate a plot that makes even a little bit of sense.
There are a number of holes -- plot, of course, but also character motivation and emotional inconsistencies -- and quite a few corny cliches, but overall enjoyable.
I thought Doyle's fear of rejection (once he knew about CI5 and Bodie's role) seemed unlikely -- unless we were supposed to think he was that self-absorbed and childish. (?) It gets decidedly melodramatic from the point of Doyle's kidnapping. NOT that I object to Doyle being kidnapped or Bodie rushing to the rescue. *g* But a little bit more time and effort would have provided believable motivation for the dumb decisions that are made.
Some odd rushed bits like this: "The flames of the coal fire licked comfortingly in the hearth, soothing his wounds." I know what the writer was trying to say, but...er...no.
"Doyle's thoughts were too bitty to merge into any logical strand."
*g*
And then the sudden, odd change to first person POV for the epilogue.
Yet...mostly enjoyable. Thanks for this rec!
Re: Bagels as a snack food?!
Date: 2009-09-12 04:52 pm (UTC)Then it wasn't too bad! :-)
But I can't remember eating a bagel - so don't ask me. I prefer salty snacks anyway.
"Doyle's thoughts were too bitty to merge into any logical strand."
Hah! - so it IS a strange sentence!? That's nice. I thought it was just me and my English... :-)
And that epilogue is strange too, isn't it? Maybe the author came into some kind of post-story depression? Or she(?) was suddenly left by her lover? Anything that shows in your writing?
Because I think you can't foresee that "development"(up until now it's just a bad foreshadow) in the story. When Bodie left Doyle a year ago, Doyle was shocked, he had been ready for a longer happy(!) relationship - why not now? Why these strange last words?
Yet...mostly enjoyable. Thanks for this rec!
Yes I think too! And you're welcome, it's always a pleasure!
Thank you for commenting!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-13 07:43 pm (UTC)I think so too. It's my impression that it is one of those stories in fanfiction who are fed by the writers personal experiences and sometimes then it's not easy to follow the story completely.
A well written story, an interesting read. Thank you for the rec!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-13 08:21 pm (UTC)Maybe the odds are against them - but they are never mean or deliberately insulting - and that's a lot nowadays!!!
Nice to see you here again!
Re: Bagels as a snack food?!
Date: 2009-09-15 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-09-16 01:13 pm (UTC)Doyle glanced vaguely in the direction of the drinks table. By it, a
black-clad figure was filling a glass with red wine. The sheer familiarity of that presence hit Doyle like a mild electric shock. Momentarily, his senses filled with the remembrance of the shape of Bodie's body.......Bodie was wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt and tight black jeans. "I was once in love with those arms," thought Doyle
YES! Me, too, mate. I loved that moment and I can actually *see* it.... Bodie standing before me in all his glory (I wish). So.....a) I love the image created by the writer and b) I *know* how Doyle feels and I feel *for* him (And I don’t think *that* many writers have mentioned that part of Bodie’s anatomy - his beautiful arms?) So, along with Doyle, the sheer sexyness of Bodie - and the story itself - seduced me.
And another magical moment, one of the most moving, final scenes that I've read and I know Firlefanzine's already quoted this but you can never have too much of a good thing:
"I want to remember forever this moment in my lifetime when we shared love. I'll always have the memory for the empty years ahead, with hollow laughter and creeping numbness. Whatever happens from here, I want to cling to this feeling, overflowing with loveliness and undeniably real, to store it away inside with a warm glow and no bitterness.”
So, despite the story’s imperfections, the numerous magical moments were enough for me and I loved Gravity's Angel. Thanks for the rec!
no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 05:45 am (UTC)(wouldn't be the first time)
Yes! Magical moments!
Thank you so much for commenting! :-)
no subject
Date: 2009-09-17 10:11 am (UTC)So you knew it before? Then maybe the 'first tip' came from you, from one of your Visions maybe?
(wouldn't be the first time)
I think I might have mentioned it at Visions or Noblesentiments but I’m not sure! I read it a few years ago and then
It’s all coming back to me, I found this other favourite bit:
Bodie: dark and tough with his fighter's body and lover's eyes, moving with consummate grace and economy of action. How many times had they made love in their five months together?
Bodie: his strong, hard hands moving down his body. Had they had a best night? The first time had been electric, but first times are never the best. When was it... fairly near the start of their relationship, he supposed... that Bodie had said, voice strained with desire, "You have the body of an angel. I've never wanted to fuck anything so much."
I remember Paris remarking on the use of the two words ‘angel’ and ‘fuck’ in such close proximity – very erotic.
Another reason why I like this story is because, like the Bodie in Welcome to the Jungle, the writer depicts him as a hard, tough, man of mystery which is my favourite kind of Bodie. No surprise there. And I'm giving you a suitable icon just to remind you in case you'd forgotten.....