Inspired by the beta-volunteering post

[noblesentiments.livejournal.com]

..... even before the beta volunteering post was made I've often wondered about story writing and what it is to beta a story. For example, when reading a story which just hasn't come to life or where the characters are completely flat and I can't see them and so don't much care about them, then how would a beta go about advising the writer and trying to remedy the problem? It's one thing to advise on spelling, past participles, sentence construction etc. but quite another to bring a story to life......which then led me to think about which stories I *have* read where I feel the writer *has* managed to do this and has almost succeeded in creating a 3D effect - multidimensional characters and scenes where the power of the writing is such that I, the reader, actually feel I'm there, with the characters, soaking up the atmosphere and breathing the same air. For me, one of the best examples of what I mean is the following scene from Sebastian's Et in italia ego:

Doyle propped his elbows on the railings and gazed out. His skin had turned an easy brown and his teeth looked very white; he looked fit and strong and healthy. His shirt, shortsleeved white aertex, was damp here and there; the hairs on his honey-coloured forearms were stiffly raised, trying in vain to bring his body heat down. There was nobody about; on impulse Bodie ducked his head and laid his cheek there for a moment on Doyle’s arm, breathing in the warm scent of the other man’s body, always a familiar background to a life where he was often confined in small spaces with Ray Doyle: sweat and soap and sometimes, but not today, gunsmoke. Here in Italy he and Doyle were just men, just tourists: but they had something very special about them today: they had kissed in the night and made each other come, and nobody in the world knew it, a secret they would never share with another living soul.

.....whenever I read this passage I come away feeling that there were three people leaning over the railing that day: me - the voyeur - Bodie and Doyle......but I *still* don't know exactly what it is that is present in that scene which is so affecting, which makes me feel that the whole thing - characters, scenery etc - is completely alive, electric and vibrant. So, if anyone else reading this post feels the same way about that particularly scene I wonder how you would help me analyse *why* it works so well? I'd love to know otherwise I'll only ever be able to offer blood, sweat and tears as a beta.